9543 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

Humor is just another defense against the universe. Mel Brooks

Humor Universe Defense Another Just Against

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you. Mel Brooks

Life You Comedy Abound Look Around Just Literally

The thing that I think is the most important is taking moments to express your appreciation to your partner. A thank you or a quick kiss can go a long way toward affirming your relationship and commitment to each other. That's not hard to do even when you're juggling insane careers and three kids. Michael Ian Black

Relationship You Appreciation Commitment Three Kiss Long Important Partner Thank You Think Other Way Insane Kids Long Way Taking Toward Most Go Juggling Quick Affirming Thank The Most Important Your Hard Moments Even Each Express Thing Careers

The trouble with travelling back later on is that you can never repeat the same experience. Michael Palin

You Travel Experience Trouble Back Later Never Repeat Same Travelling

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle. Mitch Hedberg

Fingers Whistle

The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-shirt. P. J. O'Rourke

Thoughts Big Could T-Shirt 1960s Era Amazingly Fit Each

Something that confirms all fears and many conspiracy theories about government is finding out what our elected representatives would put into law if they could. P. J. O'Rourke

Government Law Conspiracy Fears Our Out Would Finding About Something Could Put Representatives Elected Theories Many

I live in New Hampshire. We're in favor of global warming. Eleven hundred more feet of sea-level rises? I've got beachfront property. You tell us up there, 'By the end of the century, New York City could be underwater,' and we say, 'Your point is?' P. J. O'Rourke

You Property Live Hundred Say Favor Tell City Rises More Point Could New Feet Global Global Warming Got New Hampshire Underwater Hampshire End Up York New York New York City Century Warming Us Your Eleven

Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants. P. J. O'Rourke

Politics Thanksgiving Business Agriculture Dinner First Has-Been Indians Head Since Overalls Pilgrim Fish Been Up Fertilizer Production Grants

We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go. Pat Paulsen

Beautiful Time Natural Too Late Example Before Too Late Our Resources Way One Time Take Step For Example Look Piece Protecting Sure Got Go Up Efforts Just Grand Grand Canyon Canyon Land Natural Resources Lands Conservation

I don't need adult supervision. Pat Paulsen

Supervision Adult Need

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years. Paul Merton

Life You School Days School My Life Past Indication Some Give Misery Over Days Were Years Endured Which Happiest Should Twenty-Five

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller

Teacher Walk First Sit Down Our Spend Months Telling Talk Up Children Them Next Teaching Twelve Lives Shut Shut Up

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller

Funny Best Way Out Best Way Eat Kitchen Get Rid

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted. Robert Benchley

Great Soul Spring Other Easily Must Great Literature Come Author Upheaval Handy Any Happens Literature Which Then Works Present Adapted

The improv, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field running. Robin Williams

Sometimes Running Like Does Improv Works

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper. Ron White

You Learning School Smart Spell Deficit Way Paper High Diploma High School Disability Attention Attention Deficit Another Learning Disability Prove Odd Brain Quite Information Processes Mean Disorder Even

Quotes by Comedians