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Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
Life
Funny
You
Three
Bone
Backbone
Saint Patrick's Day
Succeed
Things
Need
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard
Life
Funny
You
Seriously
Will
Too
Alive
Out
Take
Never
Get
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain
Funny
Hell
Climate
Go
Heaven
Company
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
Theodore Roosevelt
Funny
You
Trouble
Sit
Kick
Pants
Month
Responsible
Could
Most
Person
Your
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
Stephen Hawking
Life
Funny
Would
Would-Be
Were
Tragic
Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself.
Christina Grimmie
Funny
You
Yourself
Try
Be Yourself
Stupid
Society
Someone
Dumb
Wants
Who
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
Funny
Confused
Evil
Become
Way
House
Forces
May
Your
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
Life
Funny
You
Try
Somebody
Party
Believe
Find
Given
Vodka
Gives
Make
Lemonade
Lemons
Them
Should
Whose
Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
William Arthur Ward
Funny
Forgiveness
Heart
Funny Thing
Sting
Thing
I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde
Funny
Everything
Temptation
Except
Resist
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry Kissinger
Funny
Crisis
Schedule
Week
Cannot
Next
Full
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
Funny
Food
Sometimes
Wine
Add
Cook
Even
Relatable
Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.
James A. Garfield
Funny
Alone
Man
Live
Must
He
Bread
Cannot
Butter
Peanut
Peanut Butter
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
Funny
Nothing
Rush
Hour
Call
Moves
Why
Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.
Eminem
Funny
Trust
Circle
Kind
About
Small
New
Come
Tight
New Friends
Making
Friends
Hard
Why
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
Funny
Try
Three
Wrongs
Make
Right
Two
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
Funny
Me
Crazy
You
Ugly
Too
Okay
He
Opinion
Said
Psychiatrist
Want
Second
Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.
Ellen DeGeneres
Funny
Bullying
You
People
Be Kind
Comedy
Humor
Somebody
Example
Feelings
Else
Way
Laugh
Kind
Find
Hurting
Major
Most
Make
Without
Getting
Expense
Just
Want
Form
Based
I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
Walt Whitman
Funny
Enemies
Doubt
Believe
No Doubt
Friends
Deserved
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Albert Einstein
Funny
Age
Sense
Collection
Common
Eighteen
Acquired
Prejudices
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
Funny
You
Soul
Roof
Stuck
Up
Die
Goes
Gets
Your
Belief
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
Funny
You
Take
Take A Chance
Housework
Why
Chance
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
Funny
Me
People
Long
Walks
Taken
Like
Annoy
Who
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.
Franklin P. Jones
Funny
You
Yourself
Listening
Somebody
Advantage
Know
Talking
Least
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Peter Ustinov
Funny
Comedy
Funny Way
Way
Simply
Being
Serious
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
Funny
Wife
Spoken
Years
Want
Her
Interrupt
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