Funny Quotes

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. Reba McEntire

Life Funny You Three Bone Backbone Saint Patrick's Day Succeed Things Need

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain

Funny Hell Climate Go Heaven Company

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. Stephen Hawking

Life Funny Would Would-Be Were Tragic

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin

Funny Confused Evil Become Way House Forces May Your

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White

Life Funny You Try Somebody Party Believe Find Given Vodka Gives Make Lemonade Lemons Them Should Whose

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. William Arthur Ward

Funny Forgiveness Heart Funny Thing Sting Thing

I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde

Funny Everything Temptation Except Resist

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. Henry Kissinger

Funny Crisis Schedule Week Cannot Next Full

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. W. C. Fields

Funny Food Sometimes Wine Add Cook Even Relatable

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams

Funny Nothing Rush Hour Call Moves Why

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. Laurence J. Peter

Funny Try Three Wrongs Make Right Two

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings. Ellen DeGeneres

Funny Bullying You People Be Kind Comedy Humor Somebody Example Feelings Else Way Laugh Kind Find Hurting Major Most Make Without Getting Expense Just Want Form Based

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. Walt Whitman

Funny Enemies Doubt Believe No Doubt Friends Deserved

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Albert Einstein

Funny Age Sense Collection Common Eighteen Acquired Prejudices

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller

Funny You Take Take A Chance Housework Why Chance

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen

Funny Me People Long Walks Taken Like Annoy Who

One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. Franklin P. Jones

Funny You Yourself Listening Somebody Advantage Know Talking Least

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. Peter Ustinov

Funny Comedy Funny Way Way Simply Being Serious

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Wife Spoken Years Want Her Interrupt

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