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Fred Allen Quotes
Fred Allen Quotes
Fred Allen
American
Comedian
Born:
May 31
,
1894
Died:
Mar 17
,
1956
Funny
Men
Own
People
Will
You
Related authors:
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
Milton Berle
Mitch Hedberg
Robin Williams
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
W. C. Fields
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
Funny
Me
People
Long
Walks
Taken
Like
Annoy
Who
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
People
Nothing
Group
Meet
Individually
Committee
Done
Decide
Who
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
You
Heart
Fruit
Fly
Three
Enough
Seeds
Take
Sincerity
Still
Place
Room
Hollywood
Producer
Navel
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
Group
Unnecessary
Unprepared
Unwilling
Committee
Appointed
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
Funny
Time
Religion
People
Church
First
Changed
Hundred
First Time
Choir
Sang
Two
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
Fred Allen
Me
Rather
Bottle
Than
Front
Full
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
Life
Dark
Glasses
Become
Recognized
Wears
Well
Well Known
Known
Celebrity
Person
Being
Famous
Then
Hard
Avoid
Who
Works
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
Fred Allen
Remember
Three
Trouble
Faces
Remembering
Names
Always
Thing
Things
Third
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
Fred Allen
Funny
Time
Own
Holding
Lover
Down
Saw
He
Him
His
Hand
Walking
Lane
Last
Last Time
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
Together
People
Nothing
Gathering
Conference
Done
Decide
Who
California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
Fred Allen
Great
You
Live
Great Place
California
Orange
Place
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
God
Fear
Church
Stars
Recognize
Sunglasses
Wear
Some
Afraid
Autographs
Movie
Movie Stars
Them
Might
Ask
Even
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
Fred Allen
Amazing
Own
Musical
Musical Instrument
My Own
Only
Instrument
Amazement
Little
Play
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
Fred Allen
Man
Woman
Gentleman
Hat
His
Hit
Any
Who
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
Fred Allen
World
Space
Men
Before
Had
Advertising
Existed
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen
Imitation
Television
Sincerest
Sincerest Form
Form
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Fred Allen
You
Travel
Yourself
Find
Only
Boston
Returned
Up
Just
The Only Thing
Thing
Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
Fred Allen
Good
Great
Competition
Too
Bad
Place
Good Actor
Washington
Actor
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Fred Allen
Family
Tree
Know
Look
Because
Up
Sap
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen
Treat
Employees
Like
Partners
Act
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen
Will
Guy
Only
Hollywood
Producer
Who
Associate
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Fred Allen
Time
History
Jokes
Age
Comedy
First
Living
Machine
Machine Age
Has-Been
Oblivion
He
Supply
Comedian
Himself
Knows
First Time
Material
Been
Whether
Compelled
Treadmill
Compete
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
Humor
About
Know
Anything
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen
Uncle
He
Undertaker
Southern
Planter
Alabama
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
Good
Better
Will
Press
Telescope
Thousand
Thousand Times
Magnify
Times
Agent
Even
Star
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
Fred Allen
Life
Success
Life Expectancy
About
Small
Lighted
Look
Match
Boy
Tank
His
Expectancy
Fleeting
Who
Popularity
Actor
Gas
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Milton Berle
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