Groucho Marx Quotes

Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

American Comedian

Born: Oct 2, 1890

Died: Aug 19, 1977

Book Every He Man Me You

Related authors: George Carlin Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Groucho Marx

Life You Honesty Made Secret Fair Dealing Got Fake The Secret Of

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. Groucho Marx

Life Man Women Fate Own Control Him Does His

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. Groucho Marx

Animal Path Black Somewhere Crossing Cat Going Your

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx

Man Woman Wife Every His Behind Successful Successful Man Her

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. Groucho Marx

People Alike All People Born Except Democrats Republicans Republicans And Democrats

I intend to live forever, or die trying. Groucho Marx

Death Live Forever Intend Trying Die

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. Groucho Marx

Running Hospital Bed Meter Taxi

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Groucho Marx

Surgeon Father He She Looks Got Plastic Plastic Surgeon Her

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. Groucho Marx

Poverty Nothing State Extreme Extreme Poverty Way Up Worked

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx

Funny Would Someone Understand Five Fetch Child Send

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Groucho Marx

Face Case Exception Glad Never Never Forget Make Forget Your

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. Groucho Marx

Saying Me Quote

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. Groucho Marx

Wonderful Had Perfectly Evening

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. Groucho Marx

Time Man Before Unless Boss Leaves His Goes Early

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx

Funny Women Says See Through He Missing Lot Anyone Who

A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Groucho Marx

Man Woman Old Only He Feels

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Groucho Marx

Marriage Wonderful Live Institution Wants Who

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. Groucho Marx

You Mind Club Join Beat Head Over

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