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Pat Paulsen Quotes
Pat Paulsen Quotes
Pat Paulsen
American
Comedian
Born:
Jul 6
,
1927
Died:
Apr 24
,
1997
Down
Me
People
Will
Wine
You
Related authors:
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
Milton Berle
Mitch Hedberg
Robin Williams
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
W. C. Fields
All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
Pat Paulsen
Today
Immigration
Problems
Face
States
Immigration Policy
Indian
Part
Policy
American
United
United States
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!
Pat Paulsen
Time
You
Fool
People
Every
Monkey
Out
Some
Only
Voters
Make
Years
Four
Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home?
Pat Paulsen
Home
Better
Care
Military
Spend
Taking
Concentrate
Foreign
Continue
Dictatorships
Subsidize
Should
Billions
Right
Here
Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
Pat Paulsen
Saying
You
World
Will
White
White House
Assure
Relations
Respond
Must
Having
Joking
House
Comic
Foreign
Continue
Stability
Initiatives
Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.
Pat Paulsen
Fly
Country
Control
Assuming
Circles
Right-Wing
Would
Wing
Around
Left
Left-Wing
Either
Gained
Right
Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.
Pat Paulsen
Blame
Fault
Political
Try
Single
Greedy
Politician
Richard Nixon
System
Nixon
Out
Would
Lies
Only
Individual
Cheap
Gain
Richard
I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
Pat Paulsen
Up
Standards
Yours
Now
We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.
Pat Paulsen
Beautiful
Time
Natural
Too Late
Example
Before
Too
Late
Our
Resources
Way
One Time
Take
Step
For Example
Look
Piece
Protecting
Sure
Got
Go
Up
Efforts
Just
Grand
Grand Canyon
Canyon
Land
Natural Resources
Lands
Conservation
I don't need adult supervision.
Pat Paulsen
Supervision
Adult
Need
If elected, I will win.
Pat Paulsen
Win
Will
Elected
Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up.
Pat Paulsen
You
Everything
Presidents
Tend
Know
Mess
Up
Tinker
A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose?
Pat Paulsen
You
Gun
Down
Moose
Knows
Spot
Walking
Who
Street
Necessity
I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it?
Pat Paulsen
Government
Good
Good Job
Job
Think
Percent
Does
Just
Tip
Fifteen
Should
Standard
So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.
Pat Paulsen
Meets
Eye
More
Got
Lot
Than
Heck
Realizing
Grapes
Growing
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.
Pat Paulsen
Good
You
Wine
Top
Paper
Paper Bag
Some
Some Things
Knew
Bag
Supposed
Learned
Were
Falls
Off
Hold
Things
The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
Pat Paulsen
Service
Government
Half
Lose
Run
Postal
Postal Service
Could
Federal
Federal Government
Mail
Your
Millions
I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.
Pat Paulsen
You
Man
Song
Dance
Before
Enough
Spent
Drawbacks
Television
Critics
Some
Admit
Only
Song And Dance
Lead
Never
Maintain
Comedian
Although
Limitations
Am
Inexperienced
Years
Deny
Candidate
Romantic
Romantic Lead
Cannot
Stand
Professional
Two
Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?
Pat Paulsen
Will
National
Obliterate
Sure
National Debt
Debt
Why
Why Not
The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.
Pat Paulsen
Life
Ride
My Life
Long
Few
Down
Bottom
Like
Been
Years
Little
Last
Last Few Years
It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
Pat Paulsen
Tough
Babies
Kissing
Shaking
Campaigning
Hands
I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
Pat Paulsen
Good
You
Live
State
Over
Look
California
Iowa
Caucus
Where
Want
Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.
Pat Paulsen
Down
Shallow
Very
Happen
Deep
Deep Down
I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan.
Pat Paulsen
Good
Great
Think
President
Pension
Pretty
Pretty Good
Make
Plan
In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.
Pat Paulsen
Become
President
Never
He
Boy
Up
America
Any
Vice
Vice President
Grow
Grow Up
Grows
People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?'
Pat Paulsen
Me
You
Change
People
Corners
Hey
Say
Come
Got
Up
Any
Bars
They Say
Street
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