Quotes by Comedians

Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings. Robert Benchley

Back Guy He Instead Opera Sings Gets Where Dying

I was brought up at 3525 Decatur Avenue, in the north Bronx, right next to Woodlawn Cemetery. Robert Klein

Avenue Bronx Brought Up North Cemetery Next Right

A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys. Robin Williams

Good Great Morning Good Morning Guys Like Lot Get Vietnam Letters

In America they really do mythologise people when they die. Robin Williams

People America Die Really

I love kids, but they are a tough audience. Robin Williams

Love Tough Kids Audience

I loved running, but all of a sudden everything hurt so much. I started cycling when Zelda was born. Robin Williams

Hurt Cycling Everything Running Born Loved Much Sudden Started

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. Rodney Dangerfield

Men Draw Most Without Wages Being Who Things

It has been a wonderful life for me. It's just been a blessing. I can't say I would have done it any other way. I have no regrets. I like what I do. Ron Shock

Life Me Blessing Wonderful Other Way Say Has-Been Would No Regrets Like Been Wonderful Life Any Done Just Any Other Way Regrets

It's better to make people laugh than cry. Ronnie Barker

People Better Laugh Cry Make Than

It is possible to have good manners and be funny at the same time. Ronnie Barker and I proved that. Ronnie Corbett

Funny Time Good Manners Good Manners Possible Proved Same Same Time Ronnie

But I always feel that whatever I do, I could do better. I suppose it is perfectionism. Rowan Atkinson

Better Whatever Could Perfectionism Feel Suppose Always

Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. Rowan Atkinson

Funny Me Natural Before Think Funny Things About Tend Remotely Comic Am Lot Happen Even Things Need Amusing

But generally speaking, I tend to be quiet and introspective. Rowan Atkinson

Introspective Tend Generally Quiet Speaking

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden. Sam Kinison

Time Generation Every Everything Someone Voice Outside Wrong Unspeakable Steps Attitudes Supposed Forbidden Norm Offers Represent Who

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it! Sam Kinison

Life You Miss Going Heaven View Inches Why Two

In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society. Sam Kinison

God Gay You Comedy Space Joke Community Society President Gay Community Gays States OK About Sacred Disaster Forbid Acceptable Cow Up Blowing Space Shuttle Pope Ridicule United United States Last Shuttle

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it. Sarah Silverman

Out Also Offend Shock Anything Avoid Set

I first got into fruit when I was a teenager, when my life was changing in every way. The first time I had a mango, at like 18, I was like, 'Where has this been my whole life?' Scott Thompson

Life Time Fruit My Life First Every Changing Teenager Way Had Like First Time Got Been Where Whole