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Tim Allen Quotes
Tim Allen Quotes
Tim Allen
American
Comedian
Born:
Jun 13
,
1953
Best
Car
Me
Men
People
Women
Related authors:
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
Milton Berle
Mitch Hedberg
Robin Williams
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
W. C. Fields
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
Tim Allen
Work
Women
Job
Men
Prison
Unmarried
Married
Had
Always
Same
Children
Choice
Choices
Now
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen
Pickup
Women
Sometimes
Car
Station
Dating
Truck
Like
Wagon
Ferrari
Women Are
End
Up
Want
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Tim Allen
Positive
Funny
Good
Lie
Liar
Men
Liars
Lying
Algebra
Lies
About
Make
Figure
Two
Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.
Tim Allen
Friendship
Best
Mom
Needs
Parenting
Respect
Together
Humor
Example
Parents
Incredible
Kids
Sexy
Toward
Learn
Understand
Mate
His
Friends
Going
Show
Fun
Dad
Amount
Things
You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.
Tim Allen
You
People
Stress
Like
Know
Until
Lot
Really
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
Tim Allen
Dangerous
Nephew
Penny
Tried
Plug
See
He
Him
Stick
Said
Go
Shoot
Far
Across
Electricity
Grounded
Whoever
Floor
I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
Tim Allen
Myself
Motorcycle
Me
People
Drive
Licence
Licensing
Some
Protect
Sort
Around
Am
Get
Children
Required
Should
Adamant
I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.
Tim Allen
Life
Love
My Life
All My Life
Logos
Doing
Been
Artist
Graphic
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
Tim Allen
Comedy
Anarchist
Ultimate
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
Tim Allen
Losing
Father
Fears
Back
Kid
Never
Over
Over It
Gotten
Go
Irrational
I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
Tim Allen
Class
Man
Try
Pour
Big
Sugar
Coke
Ounce
Saw
Several
Those
Out
Priest
Concentrate
Like
Sticks
Yeah
Go
Times
Did
Tube
Just
Middle
Screw
Swear
Jesus
Two
When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.
Tim Allen
Saying
You
Smart
Somebody
Tells
Exactly
Opposite
Very
In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
Tim Allen
Time
Experience
Wonderful
Girl
Calm
Down
Fathers
Focusing
Kind
About
Until
Calm Down
Around
Boy
Testosterone
Get
Little
Challenging
Start
I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.
Tim Allen
Love
Me
Marriage
Will
Daughter
First
Party
Sit
Gone
Tea
Because
Stick
Forever
Much
Youngest
Engage
Tea Party
Ground
Moment
Moments
Now
Play
Thing
I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults.
Tim Allen
Good
Independent
Only
Only Child
Adult
She
Child
I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
Tim Allen
Creative
Guy
Graphics
The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
Tim Allen
Beautiful
Big
Nice
Other
Unlike
Wear
Dress
Dress-Up
Vegas
Put
Advantage
Lighting
Venues
Real
Up
Where
Theater
Places
Show
Many
Even
Las Vegas
Playing
Set
I do a lot of family shows.
Tim Allen
Family
Lot
Shows
For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
Tim Allen
God
Church
Idea
Like
Years
Did
Just
My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.
Tim Allen
Best
Car
Wife
Feelings
Understanding
Background
Gut
Drives
She
Years
Difference
Which
Loves
Them
Uses
Her
Basically
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