Joan Rivers Quotes

Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
American Comedian
Born: Jun 8, 1933
Died: Sep 4, 2014
Funny Life Me People Think You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields
Reading should be a pleasure, not a chore. Joan Rivers
Reading Pleasure Should Chore
I have no line. If I think it's funny, it's funny. Joan Rivers
Funny Think Line
I walk on a stage, and I know if it's been a good show or not. You know when it's been a good interview. No one has to tell you. You know it. You feel it. You can feel the air. You can feel everything about it when it's a good show. And you know when you've messed up. Joan Rivers
Good You Walk Stage Interview Air Everything Tell About No-One Feel Know Messed Messed Up Been Up Show
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day. Joan Rivers
Day Every Day Husband Every Way Visit Scatter Him His Wanted Ashes Cremated
Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened to her. That process of bringing her story back doesn't have to be a serious one. What I say is all nonsense, but it helps to keep her memory alive. Joan Rivers
You Jokes Memory People Remember Back Say Frank Those Alive About Anne Sure Makes Nonsense Lot Happened Process Story Helps Serious Keep Her Bringing
What makes me laugh is, of course, the absurd, the horror - anything that upsets me. Joan Rivers
Me Laugh Horror Absurd Course Makes Upsets Anything
I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny. Joan Rivers
Funny Today Saying Me You People Doctor Wonderful Comedy Mother Father Made Think Laugh He Come Know She Always Still Truly Up Very Die Died Being Being Funny Your Helped Dad Her
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us. Joan Rivers
You Joke Laugh Make Comics Get Then Us Apologize Watch Here
You can find my book at your favorite bookstore, and if it isn't there, find a new favorite. Joan Rivers
You Book Bookstore Favorite Find New Your
I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing. So I would go in maybe once every two or three years, and he'd do a little here, a little there; tweak you, like you tweak your car. Then I became the plastic surgery poster girl. Joan Rivers
You Little Things Surgeon Car Girl Three Every Once Would Poster Never Had He Like Became Surgery Go Years Friend Maybe Little Then Your Full Tweak Who Plastic Plastic Surgeon Plastic Surgery Thing Things Here Two
I get butterflies before I go out to say hello at a party. Joan Rivers
Party Before Say Out Go Get Hello Butterflies
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. Joan Rivers
Beautiful Girl Female Comic Little Little Girl Who
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash. Joan Rivers
Me Dog Year Birth Gave Everywhere Kid Followed Having He Like Leash Dumb Forgot Cut Cord
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers
Work God Bend Out Would Had He Put Over Diamonds Wanted Work Out Us Floor Jewish
I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage. Joan Rivers
Wonderful Year Once Once A Year Out See Onstage Because Maybe Psychiatrist Need
I was a Brownie Scout mother. Joan Rivers
Mother Scout
I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her. Joan Rivers
Man Comedy Rich Could Had Support Beyond Very Who Her Secluded
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care. Joan Rivers
Work Me Book People Care Fire Before Out Fired Been dont Care Going
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth. Joan Rivers
Loft Adore Remade New Like Ballroom Louis York Done New York Apartment Fifteenth
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house. Joan Rivers
Charity People Speak Kinds Like House Because Around Always Get Them English Who Things
I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're working with, when the chips are down, it's all about business. Joan Rivers
Friendship You Business People Matter Down Think Kind About Johnny Johnny Carson Learned Chips Working
I live very well, but I support a lot of relatives. Joan Rivers
Relatives Live Support Well Lot Very
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something. Joan Rivers
Day Angry Me You Age Hate Little Things Unhappy To Be Honest Gone Every Think Furious Libraries Able Born About Something Shallow Tend Open Comedian Know Makes Diapers Very Being Children Anymore Packages Little Planes Things Honest
Nobody wants to hear that you met Harry Truman... I met Harry Truman... But you know what I mean? Nobody's interested. They want to know you met Rihanna. And that kills me. Joan Rivers
Me You Met Harry Rihanna Nobody Know Hear Truman Want Wants Interested Mean
I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him. Joan Rivers
Me Jokes Made Joke Ruined Once Laugh Out Russell Dressing Russell Crowe About Dressing Room Chat He Knocked Make Him Another Go Were Door Wanted Room Poor Show Many Now
Life does not measure up to performing... Performing is perfect. Joan Rivers
Life Perfect Performing Does Up Measure
Load more quotes

No more Joan Rivers quotes

Haven't find the right quote? Try quotes from authors related to Joan Rivers.

About
Site pages
Top Quotes
Authors
Today's birthdays
Copyright © Quotesia 2025