27 Joan Rivers Quotes For You To Enjoy

Joan Rivers

American Comedian

Born: Jun 8, 1933

Died: Sep 4, 2014

Funny Life Me People Think You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. Joan Rivers

Life Funny You Life Is Hard Better Tough Down Other Otherwise Everything Laugh Darling Shake Part Reminding Like Looks Up Tube Going Being Being Funny Act Meant Hard Things

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers

Funny God Bend He Put Over Diamonds Wanted Us Floor

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. Joan Rivers

Funny Me You Will Equal Partners Sixty Forty

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Joan Rivers

Funny Unwanted Baby Bath Saw Knew Toys Were Toaster Radio

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. Joan Rivers

Fitness Time First Consider See Smiling First Time

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. Joan Rivers

Life Me Man Woman Blame Mother Sex Husband Three Slept Top She Underneath Beds Years Bunk Goes Poor

I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware. Joan Rivers

Will Had Surgery Die Donate Much Body Plastic Plastic Surgery

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.' Joan Rivers

Home Property Hell House She Mother-In-Law Said Off Get Her

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. Joan Rivers

Love Husband Before Pain Killer Takes Make

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. Joan Rivers

Saying Thinking Else Everyone Everyone Else Succeeded

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. Joan Rivers

Funny Happy Think Perfectly Particularly Anyone

Reading should be a pleasure, not a chore. Joan Rivers

Reading Pleasure Should Chore

I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny. Joan Rivers

Funny Today Saying Me You People Doctor Wonderful Comedy Mother Father Made Think Laugh He Come Know She Always Still Truly Up Very Die Died Being Being Funny Your Helped Dad Her

I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing. So I would go in maybe once every two or three years, and he'd do a little here, a little there; tweak you, like you tweak your car. Then I became the plastic surgery poster girl. Joan Rivers

You Little Things Surgeon Car Girl Three Every Once Would Poster Never Had He Like Became Surgery Go Years Friend Maybe Little Then Your Full Tweak Who Plastic Plastic Surgeon Plastic Surgery Thing Things Here Two

I get butterflies before I go out to say hello at a party. Joan Rivers

Party Before Say Out Go Get Hello Butterflies

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her. Joan Rivers

Me Could Take Put Up Against Sarah Her

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black. Joan Rivers

Black All My Friends Wear Always Friends Dying Why

I am a huge 'Downton Abbey' fan - huge! Joan Rivers

Abbey Am Huge Fan Downton Abbey

Joan Rivers Quotes

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