457 Jokes Quotes for You to Enjoy

I don't do jokes. The characters are my jokes. Jonathan Winters

Jokes Characters

I just loved jokes so much as a child. I remember wanting to perform at, like... age seven by reading from a kids' joke book, and my parents being like, 'That's not what standup comedy is,' and me being like, 'Not yet it isn't! I'm going to change the game.' Josh Gondelman

Gratuitous fat jokes always hurt, no matter what. Josh Peck

Jokes Hurt Matter Always Gratuitous Fat

You know, I always was an early morning or late night writer. Early morning was my favorite; late night was because you had a deadline. And at four in the morning you make up some of your most absurd jokes. Joss Whedon

I can't do jokes. I've always come from left field and tried to subvert conventional comedy. I started as a rebellion against that - albeit a very soft and surreal rebellion. It's escapist. Julian Barratt

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One of the jokes among our family was that whenever Dad went to the movies, he insisted on getting his senior citizen's discount. It was laughable to view him as a traditional senior citizen; he was one of the most robust people I ever knew. Until, very suddenly, he wasn't. Justin Trudeau

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I still tell a lot of jokes and do a lot of funny comics, but the stuff I like best is the personal stuff. I will still occasionally talk about my job and retail, but it evolved. Kate Leth

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I don't know if I necessarily fit in the action-thriller genre, but I'd love to do something where I could actually kick some butt and then tell a few jokes. That would be awesome! That would be my dream job. Kathleen Rose Perkins

Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part. Kathy Griffin

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I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke! Kathy Griffin

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I put my parents through mini hell with my laziness and poor grades, so I love making them laugh when they see me on television. When I work, I'm always thinking, 'Would my mother find this funny?' The belly-laugh jokes will hit her every time. Kayvan Novak

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You watch an old 'Jeopardy!' and the categories alone are very plain. 'Poetry,' or 'Movies,' or 'Physics.' If you watch it now, though, there'll be a theme board where the categories are all Hitchcock movies. Lots more jokes, lots more high-concept categories and questions. Ken Jennings

When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley Myron Handelman and people like that. And then, for every comic, you develop your own style after a while. Kevin Nealon

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When generally people make race-based jokes to me - even if they're not technically racist, they're sort of based on me being Pakistani or whatever - on Twitter, you know, I block a lot of people who say something weird about my name or something. It does bug me generally, but it is all about context. Kumail Nanjiani

Me You Jokes People Technically Whatever Twitter Say About Something Generally Weird Name Know Make Bug Sort Does Context Block Lot Being Who Even Pakistani Based

Every day I do one or two podcasts that 92 percent of people never will hear. I'm constantly producing, constantly making jokes for Twitter. There's a lot of pressure there. On the flip side, I think having to produce like that makes you a better comedian. Kurt Braunohler

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I see my daft surname as a positive thing. It first dawned on me that I had a comical name when someone called me 'Fishface' on my first day at school. I've heard all the fish jokes since then, many times over. Laura Haddock

As far as my personality, my friends and family know I'm crazy! I love to have fun; I'm bubbly. People say I'm funny but I don't know that I'm funny: I don't try to be funny and tell jokes and stuff like that, but I always got something slick to say. LeToya Luckett

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I never thought, 'I'm going to learn how to be funny now!,' and I'm still surprised when other people think I'm funny. I just learned to make jokes as a way of moving through the world. It helps me deal with all sorts of discomfort and boredom. Lisa Hanawalt

Funny Me Jokes People World Thought Think Other Way Boredom Through Never Make Learn Learned Sort Deal Discomfort How Still Surprised Going Just Moving Helps Now

In the end, censoring a comedian's jokes is on par with censoring 'Huckleberry Finn.' Now, I'm not comparing myself to Mark Twain - he had much wavier hair and a slightly thicker mustache. But when you deny an artist the chance to explore his art, you're forcing your beliefs on him. Lisa Lampanelli

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