20 Kurt Braunohler Quotes for You to Enjoy

Kurt Braunohler

American Comedian

Better Game Me People Time You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

In my new IFC comedy game show, 'Bunk,' we actually use our intern Patrick as a human timer - giving contestants the time it takes for him to wade through a bag of broken glass for a razor blade, to get gum out of his hair, to pick up every strand from a box of spaghetti I spill on the floor, etc, etc. Kurt Braunohler

Time Broken Game Comedy Giving Hair Every Our Broken Glass Out Spill Gum Blade Through Pick Takes Glass Bag Razor New Him Box Contestants Wade His Up Timer Bunk Get Human Spaghetti Etc Strand Use Game Show Show Intern Floor Actually

We are going to do 'Hot Tub' until we die. Every Monday. Then we'll come back and do it as zombies. 'Hot Tub' is very important. What we do is based on our live skills. It's stand-up and sketch and improv; everything we do in 'Hot Tub' is important to our jobs. And every Monday I'm excited to do it. Kurt Braunohler

It is true that I do not wear shoes as the host of 'Bunk.' I want 'Bunk' to feel like there's a slight possibility that a confident homeless man just wondered into the studio and started hosting a game show. Kurt Braunohler

For people who mourn for old Times Square - hey, there's a ton of places in the city still like that! Get on the train and go visit them! Kurt Braunohler

People Old Hey Visit City Like Still Go Train Square Times Times Square Mourn Get Places Them Who Ton

The rules of game shows limit stuff so much. I remember on 'Money From Strangers,' being in the van - not even performing - and there was a lawyer there the entire time. 'No, you can't give money for that. Yes, you can give money for that. That's a partial answer. That's a full answer.' Kurt Braunohler

Time You Game Money Remember Lawyer Strangers Rules Van Entire Entire Time Give Partial Stuff Performing Limit Answer Yes Being Much Full Game Shows Even Shows

For a long time, I dressed like an idiot. In college, I had a fully shaved head with just two horns. Like, a coxcomb of hair that I would sculpt into two horns. I looked like a crazy person. Kurt Braunohler

A lot of improvisers mistakenly assume stand-up is awful, because there are a lot of stand-ups in the world that did not appeal to me. It was so easy to make a blanket statement when I was improvising only: 'Stand-up's terrible.' It's so ignorant and stupid to do that. But it's easy to do that. So that's where I came from. Kurt Braunohler

Auditions are just torture. I'm trying to get better at it. It's a very difficult thing to do. You go into a tiny room with a camera with somebody who is doing this with 100 other people, and they're so bored, and then you have to be like, 'Hey! I'm gonna show you what I got!' Kurt Braunohler

You People Better Somebody Difficult Other Hey Torture Bored Like Got Auditions Doing Go Camera Very Get Trying Tiny Just Room Gonna Then Show Who Thing Difficult Thing

There are a billion songs that I've heard and said, 'I don't even care to have an opinion about it,' but if I have to hear a snippet of the refrain of 'We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together' once, it'll get stuck in my head, and that drives me crazy. Kurt Braunohler

Who would want to get back together with Taylor Swift after having dated her? I'm sure dating her is like talking to a white sheet of paper with a little bit of vanilla ice cream on it that doesn't say anything. Kurt Braunohler

Together White Back Paper Say Bit Would Vanilla Having Dated Dating Like Talking Sure Sheet Get Want After Anything Ice Ice Cream Little Little Bit Cream Taylor Taylor Swift Who Swift Her

Everyone wants something that'll appeal to, like, 13-year-olds to 18-year-olds. Especially working in television and trying to pitch shows, they're like, 'We definitely want something that a 14-year-old will be, like, super-psyched about.' And I'm like, 'I don't know if my reality is appealing to a 14-year-old.' Kurt Braunohler

Reality Will Everyone Definitely Television About Something Like Know Trying Pitch Want Wants Working Appeal Appealing Shows

Eric Bryant and Ethan Berlin, the creators of 'Bunk,' asked me to come get involved in very early process when they wanted to make a game show. Kurt Braunohler

Me Game Berlin Bryant Come Involved Make Eric Very Bunk Get Wanted Process Asked Game Show Show Creators Early

I was writing this really long joke about the smell of poop, and I was like, 'What am I doing with my life?' I started to think about why I was a comedian, and then I came up with a reason for existence, which is: inserting absurdity or stupidity into strangers' lives in order to make the world a better place. Kurt Braunohler

Life Writing World Better Stupidity My Life Long Joke Smell Strangers Think About Better Place Absurdity Like Comedian Make Am Doing Came Existence Up Order Place Which Then Really Reason Why Lives Started

I never understood using Kickstarter for commercial purposes. If you want to raise money for commercial purposes, I think you should give someone a dividend. They make money, then you make money. It should be an investment, whereas I think Kickstarter's true purpose is raising money for things that are in and of themselves justifying. Kurt Braunohler

You Money Think Kickstarter Someone Give Purpose Purposes Dividend Never Investment True Make Understood Commercial Want Whereas Justifying Themselves Then Should Using Things Raise Raising

Anyone can become a game show host. It simply requires a giant, narcissistic ego and an inability to do anything else. The closest thing to school I did was looking in the mirror one hundred times a day and repeating, 'People should listen to you talk.' Kurt Braunohler

Day You Game People Ego School Mirror Looking Become Else Hundred Hundred Times Giant Host Simply Talk Narcissistic Repeating Times Did Closest Listen Closest Thing Anyone Anything Anything Else Inability Should Requires Game Show Show Thing

For a long time, I would go out of my way to have a personal appearance on the verge of an insane person, because it was closer to how I felt, but I looked so dumb. So, I just stopped. It was like, 'I'm just going to look like a banker.' Kurt Braunohler

Time Long Long Time Way Insane Out Would Like Look Looked Because Felt How Verge Go Dumb Person Personal Closer Going Just Banker Stopped Appearance

When I moved to New York at 22, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I took an improv class, and the first scene I did, I felt like 'I want to do this for the rest of my life.' It was the first time I ever felt like that about anything. I tried to make a living off improv. Kurt Braunohler

Life Time Class Rest My Life First Living Took Tried About Scene New Like Know Make Felt First Time Off Improv Did York Moved New York Want Wanted Anything Ever

So much of existence is so boring. To have little moments of stupidity is always welcome. Kurt Braunohler

Welcome Stupidity Boring Always Existence Little Much Moments

Every day I do one or two podcasts that 92 percent of people never will hear. I'm constantly producing, constantly making jokes for Twitter. There's a lot of pressure there. On the flip side, I think having to produce like that makes you a better comedian. Kurt Braunohler

Day You Jokes Every Day People Better Will Pressure Every Think Twitter Side One Or Two Constantly Percent Having Never Like Comedian Makes Making Hear Lot Produce Producing Flip Two

Kurt Braunohler Quotes

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