Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian
Born: Nov 22, 1921
Died: Oct 5, 2004
Day He Me Met Pet Wife
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Steven Wright W. C. Fields
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. Rodney Dangerfield
Dog Pet Bone Favorite Arm Got His
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. Rodney Dangerfield
Me Mother Ugly Feed Shot Used
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. Rodney Dangerfield
Me Mother Only Fed Never Liked She Friend
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. Rodney Dangerfield
Life Sex
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. Rodney Dangerfield
Me Uncle Wish He His Wanted Dying Electric Lap Chair
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
Happy Wife Met Were Years Then
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. Rodney Dangerfield
Tough Neighborhood Some Put Another Felt Real Came Hand Cement
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. Rodney Dangerfield
Day Me Wife Garbage Other Eye Out Put She Said Always Go Get Trying Did Rid Keep Her
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. Rodney Dangerfield
Myself Girl Saved Attacked Controlled Being Last Night Last Night
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. Rodney Dangerfield
Dog Pet Every Too Some He Pyramid Call Him Because Got Leaves Egypt Room
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. Rodney Dangerfield
Together Marriage Dinner Our Everything Take Doing Apart Rooms Separate Keep Vacations Sleep
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! Rodney Dangerfield
Me Wife Sex Nothing Every Other See Never Said Goes Psychiatrist Should Each Now Right Every Night Night
My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock. Rodney Dangerfield
Gay Big Out Find London Only He Cousin Clock Ben
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. Rodney Dangerfield
Father Picture Kid Carries Around Came His Wallet Who
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. Rodney Dangerfield
Me Surgeon Met Cigarette General He Offered
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't. Rodney Dangerfield
Hope Man Fight World Seventy He Knows Still Reform Wants Full Twenty
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat. Rodney Dangerfield
Wife Made Throat Stuck She Got Chocolate Cook
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Rodney Dangerfield
Best Birthday Me Man Respect Woman Wife Made No Respect Joined Had Waiter Get Toast Ever Her
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. Rodney Dangerfield
Men Draw Most Without Wages Being Who Things
Life is just a bowl of pits. Rodney Dangerfield
Life Bowl Just Pits
Load more quotes

No more Rodney Dangerfield quotes

Haven't find the right quote? Try quotes from authors related to Rodney Dangerfield.

About
Site pages
Top Quotes
Authors
Today's birthdays
Copyright © Quotesia 2025