Lisa Lampanelli Quotes

Lisa Lampanelli
Lisa Lampanelli
American Comedian
Born: Jul 19, 1961
Because Comedy Me Myself People You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields
I'm way too famous and rich to be on a dating app, but if I get very desperate by the time I'm 60, I'll go on Tinder. Or I'll go on 'Millionaire Matchmaker'; I'll call Patti Stanger. Lisa Lampanelli
Time Millionaire Desperate Rich Too Way Dating Call Go Very Get Famous App By The Time
That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French. Lisa Lampanelli
Love You Only Never Roast French Make Fun Whole Why Thing
I really think the biggest honor, as a comic, is to get roasted by either the Friars Club or the Comedy Central or someone like that. Because it really shows, you know, that you've arrived. Lisa Lampanelli
You Comedy Honor Club Think Someone Like Know Comedy Central Because Comic Arrived Get Biggest Either Central Really Shows
What we do as comics can be a service to people. It can make them laugh and take their mind off their problems for a few minutes. Lisa Lampanelli
Service People Problems Mind Few Laugh Minutes Take Make Comics Off Them
I can really serve the audience instead of making this about me and about serving myself and my pocketbook. Lisa Lampanelli
Myself Me About Pocketbook Instead Audience Making Really Serve Serving
Donald is very happy with his lovely wife, insert name here. Lisa Lampanelli
Happy Wife Insert Name His Very Donald Lovely Here
Don't laugh at a hair joke, Trump. Lisa Lampanelli
Joke Hair Laugh Trump
Betty White is so old that on her first game show ever, the prize was fire. Lisa Lampanelli
Game Old Fire First White Betty Prize Game Show Show Ever Her
Andy Dick is so gay, he thinks Margaret Cho is funny. Lisa Lampanelli
Funny Gay Andy He Margaret Thinks
Comedy is like music - there are genres and styles for every taste. Katy Perry is there for people who like frothy pop music. Metallica is there for people who like head-banging metal. And Susan Boyle is there for... well, I don't who the hell is listening to that freak of nature, but that's not the point. In art, there's something for everybody. Lisa Lampanelli
Music Art Nature People Comedy Listening Hell Every Everybody Freak Something Point Like Well Genres Styles Metal Metallica Perry Susan Taste Pop Pop Music Hell Is Who Katy Perry
Make a list of the people in your 'choir'... If you're not on your own list, then you're doing something wrong. Lisa Lampanelli
You People Own Something Wrong Make Doing List Then Choir Your
You have to really be on your own side. Lisa Lampanelli
You Own Side Really Your
I didn't feel ready to leave home, because it went from no freedom to all freedom. And I was like, 'Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm doing in college.' There seemed to be no like-minded people where I was... I didn't have a clan. I didn't have a choir... There was no safety net. Lisa Lampanelli
God Home Freedom People Safety College Clan Net Seemed Feel Like Know Safety Net Because Ready Leave Doing Oh Oh My God Where Choir
Until I got the weight off, there was something inside of me that said, 'You hate yourself.' You get too depressed over the weight to really work on this. For whatever reason, I had to take the weight off to do this work. Lisa Lampanelli
Work Me You Yourself Hate Whatever Too Inside Something Take Had Weight Over Until Said Got Off Get Depressed Really Reason
The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun. Lisa Lampanelli
Only Allowed Because Insult Comic Quarter Quarter Century Century Reason Fun Jest Career
I gained weight, and that started a 32-year struggle with weight and exercise and body image problems. Lisa Lampanelli
Struggle Problems Weight Exercise Gained Body Body Image Image Started
I'm not saying the N word anymore. Lisa Lampanelli
Saying Word Anymore
I'm not gonna ruin my reputation with the blacks no more. Lisa Lampanelli
Reputation Ruin Blacks More Gonna
I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause. Lisa Lampanelli
Tired Sick Sick And Tired Menopause Like Any
I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans. Lisa Lampanelli
Knowledge Jokes Facebook Reality People Fans Twitter Twitter And Facebook Sign TV More More People Obsessed Stuff Make Up Get Anyway Reality TV Use
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