Jay Leno Quotes

Jay Leno
Jay Leno
American Comedian
Born: Apr 28, 1950
Day Men Mother People Today You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. Jay Leno
Christmas Wise Men Three Ruled Find Religious Scene Wise Men Supreme Supreme Court Court Any Nativity Cannot Reasons Washington
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! Jay Leno
Today Day Valentines Day Men Valentine Like Call
Politics is just show business for ugly people. Jay Leno
Politics Business People Ugly Ugly People Just Show Show Business
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Jay Leno
You Psychic Think See About Something Wins Never Headline Come Like How Lottery Here
The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most. Jay Leno
Beer People Wine Down Bone Says Drink Week Highest Most Least Falling Density Times Elderly Four Nebraska Need University
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. Jay Leno
Work Good Good Work Everyone About Like Know Anonymously Doing America
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. Jay Leno
You Somebody Laugh Mad Stay Makes Who
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?' Jay Leno
You Girl Yesterday Would Some Counter Like Said Fries McDonald
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza! Jay Leno
Time You People First Month Hey Outnumber Make First Time Were Overweight America Get Pizza Average Then Average People Now Ever Fat Last
I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking. Jay Leno
Saw Until Cubs October Chicago Chicago Cubs Realize Choking
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. Jay Leno
Day Problem Liberty Crime Other Statue Statue Of Liberty Both Had New Up Hands York Getting New York Really Serious
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. Jay Leno
You Dog Pour Breath Bad Bad Breath Want Little Your Toilet
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder. Jay Leno
Work Best Good You Think High Self-Esteem Overrated Quite Maybe Little Low Low Self-Esteem Should Harder Actually
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. Jay Leno
Doctors Idiot Medicine Out Journal New New England Reports England Agree
More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own. Jay Leno
Own Congress Action Out Hussein About Guy More Reluctant No Wonder Take He Takes Saddam Saddam Hussein Know Mistresses Coming Wonder Viagra Six Against Many Now
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate. Jay Leno
War Great You Satan Debate Evil Same Thing He Stuff New Democratic Him Heard Tape Same Bush Usual Bin Al Al Jazeera Thing Last Basically Night
According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it. Jay Leno
Book Money Will Sex Hers Some More New Hillary Hillary Clinton Well Got Least Duh His Clinton According Than Get York New York Bill Bill Clinton Publishers
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution. Jay Leno
Life Today Science Decision Opposing Research Conservatives Stem Stem Cell Stem Cell Research He Conception Execution Said His Begins Cell Cell Research Ends Bush Stand Believes
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. Jay Leno
Funny Day Mother Wife Beverly Beverly Hills Hills Call Forget Dad Third
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up. Jay Leno
Today Administration Attack Support Said Iraq Lot Lining Up Bush Bush Administration Us
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. Jay Leno
You White White House Anchors Do You Know Know House Call Reporters Who Actor Pose
You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you. Jay Leno
You Mother Until Heard Famous
Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue. Jay Leno
Home Fight Hurt Safety Fans Say Runs Tossing Fact Never Over League Major Major League Major League Baseball Because Said Issue Hit Get Any Stop In Fact Them Asked Games Home Runs Stands Baseball They Say Why Florida Players

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