34 Gilbert Gottfried Quotes for You to Enjoy

Gilbert Gottfried

American Comedian

Born: Feb 28, 1955

Comedy Funny Me People Work You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley. Gilbert Gottfried

You Wish Garbage Every Back Monument TV TV Shows Window Paris Alley Outside Hotel Hotel Rooms Hotels Pyramids Tower Like Always Overlook Were Egypt Eiffel Eiffel Tower Where Movies Rooms Your Shows Right

I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl. Gilbert Gottfried

Win Will Predict Super Super Bowl Bowl Teams Two

You never know what people will choose to be offended by. Gilbert Gottfried

You People Offended Will Never Know Choose

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it. Gilbert Gottfried

You Internet Spend Find Something Another Erase Just Means

I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like it's crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like it's laughing. Nowadays, we would say, 'How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.' Gilbert Gottfried

You Comedy Old Will Mask Picture Nowadays Other Say Laughing Would Insensitive Find Masks Like Look Crying Looks Felt Always How Tragedy Up Very Roommates Two

I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it? Gilbert Gottfried

Me Synagogue Our Would Sabbath Fact Could Through Never Had Observe Like Looked House Known Sure Although How Passed Kosher Mitzvah Lot In Fact Bar Bar Mitzvah Mean Whole Keep Street Jewish

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. Gilbert Gottfried

Surgeon Bad Bad Habit Habit Had Dropping Brain Wanted Things

Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny. Gilbert Gottfried

Funny Me Else Someone Misfortune Another Very Person Any Happens

No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism. Gilbert Gottfried

Word Nice Think Generally Influence Plagiarism Used

In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian. Gilbert Gottfried

Life Real Life Christian Tall Real Blond

I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old. Gilbert Gottfried

I guess if they ever do a remake of 'Sophie's Choice,' I could play the Meryl Streep part. I've got to work on my Polish accent. Maybe I'll be the definitive King Lear one day. You know, if they ever feel that King Lear should be more Jewy. Gilbert Gottfried

Work Day You King Guess One Day Definitive King Lear More Could Remake Part Feel Meryl Know Meryl Streep Lear Accent Polish Got Maybe Choice Should Ever Play

If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better. Gilbert Gottfried

Food Better Else Someone Lot Tastes Just Paying

I found out about Jonathan Winters' death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashian's divorce before she did. Gilbert Gottfried

Death Day World Before Kim Out About Seems More Winters Jonathan Divorce Knew Wrong Talent Like She Revered His Did After Happened Should Found

Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing. Gilbert Gottfried

Work You Jokes Words Comedy Joke Club Nice Kids Tell Bad Some Performing Comedian Comedians Comedy Club Makes Go Hear Blue Where Want Use Your Who

My Bubbie lived to 104, which is probably a little too old to consider a ripe old age, because she had already started to turn. I still say she died young. Gilbert Gottfried

Age Old Young Old Age Too Consider Say Ripe Had She Because Still Died Which Little Turn Lived Started

I've never understood people who say they're not a practicing Jew. You never hear a black guy say he's not a practicing African-American. What does it even mean? Gilbert Gottfried

You People Black Say Guy Never He Practicing Does Understood Hear African-American Mean Who Even Jew

A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.' Gilbert Gottfried

People Wait Walk Husband OK Says Minute Couple Looks Around Answers Up Ceiling Upstairs Apartment Landlord Much Showing

I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement. Gilbert Gottfried

Think Excitement Without Perry Alan

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews. Gilbert Gottfried

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks. Gilbert Gottfried

Slightly Remarks Known Inappropriate

Gilbert Gottfried Quotes

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