69 Ron White Quotes for You to Enjoy

Ron White

American Comedian

Born: Dec 18, 1956

Always Comedy Me People Work You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup. Ron White

Life Me People Long Except Talk Talking Without Doing Going Listen Want Plan Standup Keep Keep Talking Specific Imagine

I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit. Ron White

Funny Try Will Three Thinking Later Finally Definitely Guilty Give Something More Audience Got Years Them Then Credit

I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid. Ron White

Listening Laughter Kid Loved Little Little Kid Even

The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. Ron White

Funny Made First Every Though Laugh Would Andy Fact Football Know First Thing Got Hands Hands-On Any The First Thing Meant Fascinated Even Ever Thing Syllable

I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers - doesn't matter if its something my wife hates. Ron White

Matter Wife Desperate Joke Hates About Something Write Bothers New Material New Material Offends Anything Act Who Works

A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess. Ron White

People Humor Guess Laugh Find Something Lot

I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin. Ron White

Would Plumber Rather Beat Been Than Griffin

There have been times when I played more than others, but I've been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I've always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill. Ron White

Time You Others More Road Because Always Comic Quarter Been Lot Times Than Golf Century Played

All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world. Ron White

Best World Joke Some Writers Comedian Friends

There's no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn't been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you'll look cool, I don't get that. But I don't watch standup anyway, so I don't know what they're doing. Ron White

Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won't give my TV show. I put it in my live show. Ron White

Work Live Consider TV TV Show Give Write Put Anything Show

There's no backlog of people we can fire for no reason and act as if they don't exist. Ron White

People Fire No Reason Exist Act Reason

I go through about 140 cities a year. Ron White

Year Cities About Through Go

I don't live under the illusion we don't need a military to protect this country. Ron White

Illusion Country Military Live Protect Need

I pretty much give both barrels every time I walk on stage. Ron White

Time Walk Stage Every Every Time Pretty Give Both Much Barrels

My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy. Ron White

Pet Other Guess Criticizing Guy Cable Comedians Biggest Larry

My favorite bands are the Allman Brothers and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Ron White

Favorite Brothers Peppers Hot Red Bands Chili

I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don't need my help. Ron White

Good World Comedy Own Christian Think Clean Help Need

My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be. Ron White

Filthy Shows

I always found that the closer I got to who I really am, on stage, the more they responded to it. Ron White

Stage More Always Got Am Closer Really Who Found

I write these shows one joke at a time. There's no continuity. I do try to figure an order to the stories, but there's not continuity. Ron White

Time Try Joke Write Continuity Order Stories Figure Shows

I've been married a few times. I'm not good at it. Ron White

Good Few Married Been Times

Ron White Quotes

No more Ron White quotes