Quotes by Comedians

I love playing the bitter guy. Bill Engvall

Love Bitter Guy Playing

In syndication, the biggest buyers are car dealerships. Bill Engvall

Car Biggest Buyers

Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.' Bill Engvall

Me You Jokes Once About Know Leno Jay Jay Leno Things

I am feeling older every day. Bill Engvall

Day Every Day Feeling Older Every Am

I have been passed over on some things because people didn't think I was edgy enough. But the people who took those gigs are gone now, and I am still here. Bill Engvall

I've really got no complaints. Bill Engvall

Complaints Got Really

Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good. Bill Engvall

Life Good Quality People Long Live Beyond Quality Of Life Now

I used to hunt and fish. Bill Engvall

Hunt Fish Used

America loves to watch people growing and getting better. Bill Engvall

People Better America Getting Getting Better Loves Growing Watch

I've never said I was the best dancer, and I never said I was a good dancer. Bill Engvall

Best Good Dancer Never Said

I'm from Texas. You would think my biggest draw would be in that state. But my biggest draw is Pennsylvania. Bill Engvall

You Think State Draw Would Pennsylvania Would-Be Texas Biggest

I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too. Bill Engvall

People Have Fun Stage Think Too Maybe Should Fun

Standup is a form of therapy. It is OK to tell problems to your audience as long as you are being honest and not boring them. I tell them that I am saving $75 an hour when I talk to them instead of a therapist. Bill Engvall

Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining. Bill Hicks

Entertaining Highly Supposed Ultimately Fun

Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is. Bill Maher

People Wonder Curious Interesting Interesting People Why

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed. Bill Maher

Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.' Bill Maher

Will Big President President Bush Intervention Please Says Destroy Out Trick Case Pouring Missiles Make Said Iraq Same Liquor After Bush Then Used Show Now Pull

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. Bill Maher

Religion Building Think Flying Neurological Faith-Based Planes Disorder Initiative

Men are only as loyal as their options. Bill Maher

Funny Men Only Options Loyal

Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence. Bill Maher

Reality Book Problem Will Whatever Live Every Think Other Other Countries Say Solved Countries Comic Comic Book Infantile American Maybe Where Movie Land Fantasy American Movie Based Violence

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor. Bill Maher

Birth Hi Survivor Bill