Bill Engvall Quotes

Bill Engvall
Bill Engvall
American Comedian
Born: Jul 27, 1957
Good Love Me People Think You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields
I hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that just say, 'I'm stupid.' Bill Engvall
Hate People Signs Stupid Say Wear Stupid People Just Should
If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice guy and treat people right, good things happen. Bill Engvall
Good You People Good Things Treat Walk Nice Guy Just Happen Nice Guy Right Things Things Happen
It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. Bill Engvall
Funny Me You People Thought Funny People Meet Say Be Different Guy Still Same Different Who
The one thing people like about my show is it's universal. Everybody can relate to it. I think people enjoy going to a show and saying, 'Something like that happened to me.' Bill Engvall
Saying Me People Enjoy Think Relate Everybody One Thing About Something Like Going The One Thing Happened Show Thing Universal
I've learned in my older age that sexy gets you further than brains. Bill Engvall
You Age Older Further Sexy Learned Brains Than Gets
I came out of the mall one day, and a guy was standing there with a coat hanger in his window, and I couldn't stop myself. I asked the stupid question. 'You lock your keys in the car?' 'Nope, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry.' Bill Engvall
Myself Day You Car Stupid Keys Lock One Day Out Window Guy Dry Came His Question Mall Up Hang Just Stop Gonna Asked Your Standing Coat Washed
I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out. Bill Engvall
You Fire Think Out Trigger Guns Bullets Ban Just Pull
I travel fairly lightly because you have to these days. I always take a laptop and an iPod so I can watch movies and listen to music. And my Gameboy. That's a good time-killer. Bill Engvall
Music Good You Travel Take Lightly Days Fairly Because Always iPod Listen Movies Laptop Watch
My goal is for 'The Bill Engvall Show' to be a show the networks look at and say, 'Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.' Bill Engvall
Family Back Say Networks Look Goal Get Sitcom Maybe Should Bill Show
You know as well as I do that the family sitcom was the stalwart of TV for God knows how many decades. Bill Engvall
God Family You TV Know Well Knows How Decades Sitcom Many
I'm a blue collar guy. Bill Engvall
Collar Guy Blue Blue-Collar
A lot of times you go to a concert, and when you leave, you don't know anything more about the act then when you got there. Bill Engvall
You About More Know Concert Got Leave Go Lot Times Anything Then Act
I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair. Bill Engvall
Hair Count Sound Doing Woke Been Up Times Asleep Number
I'm a big animal fanatic. Bill Engvall
Animal Big Fanatic
I love stand up, but every year, the road takes a little more out of you. Bill Engvall
Love You Year Every Out More Road Takes Up Little Stand Stand Up
I love playing the bitter guy. Bill Engvall
Love Bitter Guy Playing
I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color. Bill Engvall
Funny Time People Cosby Come Like Without Were Being Stories Bob Bill Bill Cosby
In syndication, the biggest buyers are car dealerships. Bill Engvall
Car Biggest Buyers
Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.' Bill Engvall
Me You Jokes Once About Know Leno Jay Jay Leno Things
I am feeling older every day. Bill Engvall
Day Every Day Feeling Older Every Am
I have been passed over on some things because people didn't think I was edgy enough. But the people who took those gigs are gone now, and I am still here. Bill Engvall
People Gone Think Enough Took Those Gigs Some Some Things Over Edgy Because Am Passed Still Been Who Now Things Here
I've really got no complaints. Bill Engvall
Complaints Got Really
To be honest with you, I still eat whatever I want. It's all about portion control. I still love pizza, but instead of eating half, I eat a slice. Bill Engvall
Love You Half Whatever Control To Be Honest Slice Eat Eating About Instead Still Want Pizza Portion Honest
Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good. Bill Engvall
Life Good Quality People Long Live Beyond Quality Of Life Now
My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house. Bill Engvall
People Only Bear Take House Arms Going Breaking Them Your Belief Away Right
I used to hunt and fish. Bill Engvall
Hunt Fish Used
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