Quotes by Comedians

I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed to speak to us during the summer. They can start talking again after Labor Day. Lewis Black
Time Day People Speak Labor Day Politician Believe Our Summer Our Time Allowed For The People Talking Labor After Again Us Should Start
Life is designed to knock you down. It will knock you down time and time again, but it doesn't matter how many times you fall - it matters how many times you get back up. Lilly Singh
Life Time You Matter Will Fall Matters Down Back Back Up Knock How How Many Times Time And Time Up Times Get Again Many Designed
A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright. Lucille Ball
Man Woman Age Smart Guesses Correctly He Very May Who Bright
If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country. Mel Brooks
Country Presidents Wives
Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive. Mel Brooks
Life Death You Will Think Philosophic Wax Say Alive Must Noisy Look Arms Around Got Least Opposite Lot Jump Very Flap Want Legs Your Therefore
Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him. Mel Brooks
People Human Being Skin Living Every Other Relate Hundreds Characters Ability Give Writer Talent Names Identities Him His Human Being Personalities Them Separate
Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places. Milton Berle
Happiness Buy You Money More Look Lot Places Helps
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring. Mitch Hedberg
Lose Sick Caring Pen Pens Bought Because Always Got Not Caring
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. Mitch Hedberg
Once Saw Unnecessary Pyramid Very Human
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life. Mitch Hedberg
Life Women Sex Saved Heroine Addict Someone Who Need
The adage 'a family that prays together, stays together' is so true. Niecy Nash
Family Together Stays True Prays Adage
Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse. Norman Wisdom
Life Better First Worse Could Been Cradle After Might Then Much
The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich. P. J. O'Rourke
Politics Good News You Will Good News Rich Pay Everything Bad Obama Administration Obama Administration Bad News According
The minute somebody joins a committee... they immediately suffer from committee brain. They become wildly over-enthusiastic, over-optimistic, over-pessimistic. Committees turn people into idiots, and politics is a committee. P. J. O'Rourke
Politics People Somebody Become Wildly Immediately Minute Idiots Brain Committee Committees Turn Suffer
To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal. P. J. O'Rourke
Work You Science Animal Better Plant Job Wild Wild Animal Validity Look Mistrust Scientific Scientific Method Go Method Deny Human Your Resign
Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid. P. J. O'Rourke
Happy Will Stupid Rich Live Everybody Conservatives Everything Liberals Insane Laws Never Proposing Perfectly Ideas Make Always Forever Us Right
Liberals have invented whole college majors - psychology, sociology and women's studies - to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. P. J. O'Rourke
Women Fault College Nothing Liberals Invented Studies Majors Prove Anybody Psychology Whole Sociology
Once you've built the big machinery of political power, remember you won't always be the one to run it. P. J. O'Rourke
You Remember Political Political Power Power Big Once Machinery Run Always Built
Term limits aren't enough. We need jail. P. J. O'Rourke
Enough Term Term Limits Limits Jail Need
Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit. P. J. O'Rourke
Politics Achieve Power Prestige Attempt Merit Without
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. Phyllis Diller
Work You Advice Follow Only Bottle Children Keep Away
I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy. Red Skelton
Build Believe Destroy Put Were Personally Here
If you tell a lie that's big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you're telling the truth, even if what you're saying is total crap. Richard Belzer
Truth Saying You Lie People Will Big Believe Enough Enough People Tell Telling Telling The Truth Total Big Enough Often Crap Even
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Rita Rudner
Funny First Met No Idea Had Idea Name First Name Always His Eventually Right
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills - no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. Robin Williams
You Woman Bad Would Weapon Never Feel Make Makes While Bomb Nuclear Nuclear Bomb
Do I perform sometimes in a manic style? Yes. Am I manic all the time? No. Do I get sad? Oh yeah. Does it hit me hard? Oh yeah. Robin Williams
Sad Time Me Sometimes Style Perform Does Am Yeah Yes Hit Get Oh Oh Yeah Manic Hard
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