Paula Poundstone Quotes

Paula Poundstone
American Comedian
Born: Dec 29, 1959
Always Back Me Thankful Time You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields
The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. Paula Poundstone
Cats Problem Face Exact See Look Moth Get Same The Problem With Whether
When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out. Paula Poundstone
School Word Every Spell Our Out High Obama High School Voice Gives Put Heads Until His Graduate Listen Inauguration Speeches
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. Paula Poundstone
Death Time Tired Feeling Out Taken Sin Sort Wages Just Taxes By The Time
When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. Paula Poundstone
Rain Noise Party Bear Polar Gore Calls Forest Canada Us Should Hard Al Al Gore Cops Save
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. Paula Poundstone
Funny Thankful Three Somewhere Savings Ounce Put Bag
I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going. Paula Poundstone
Thankful Good Memory Vision Because Going
When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself. Paula Poundstone
Time Myself Me People Writing Problem Down Way One Time Geek About Invariably Something Write Dawned Part Reminds Like Talk Talking Because Felt Said Am Off Gets Just Stop Just Because Anything Happened Cut Then Sat
Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats. Paula Poundstone
Home Cats Miserable Gone Back Once Month See Hours Just Flew Florida Two
I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me. Paula Poundstone
Me Conversation Degree Back Everyone Some Something Steer Annoying Diagnosed Always Years Years Ago Trait Where Happened Which Really Disorder Number
How do you come back? It's one step at a time. I'm optimistic because I don't know what else to be. Paula Poundstone
Time You Else Back Step Come Know Because How Optimistic
I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe. Paula Poundstone
Life Sense Of Humor Humor Sense Paper Laughed Seeing Entire Silly Entire Life Someone Stuck Never Bottom Very Than Shoe Toilet Toilet Paper Harder
I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out. Paula Poundstone
Life Work Care My Life Kids Favorite Out Favorite Things Only Take Take Care Fortunately Works Things Two
I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California. Paula Poundstone
Thankful Presidential California Bid Box Off Taught Vice Which Us Coast Sarah Alaska Palin
I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids. Paula Poundstone
Home First Kids Out Come Because Am Get Anywhere Flight
I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics, and they invited me to do that. Paula Poundstone
Me Women Comedy Club Nothing All Women One-Night Invited Auditions Comics Doing Were Did Wanted Connection Night
I also like a great Caesar salad with anchovies, although I don't know why some places say 'with anchovies.' If you're making a proper Caesar salad, it's going to have anchovies. Paula Poundstone
Great You Say Some Proper Caesar Like Know Also Although Making Salad Going Places Why
There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them. Paula Poundstone
You Ways Only Foods Them Really Many Prepare
I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd. Paula Poundstone
Jokes Will Before Favorite Tell Favorite Part Crowd Part Talking Again Night
I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off. Paula Poundstone
Love World Somebody Must Something Takes Performer Talking Audience Always Off Just Land Luckiest

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