457 Jokes Quotes for You to Enjoy

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. Fred Allen

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I don't have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as I'm alive and I'm living and I'm experiencing different things every day, the show will always change. Gabriel Iglesias

Day Me Change Jokes Every Day Writing Will Long Living Every Worry Alive Tell About Always Just Different Experiencing Stories Happened Show Different Things Things

Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. Garry Shandling

Me Jokes Better Down Write Putting Nobody Than

After being a born-again punk rocker for about ten years, the whole thing started falling apart. American hardcore had become Californians in baggy shorts making jokes about being white trash, and British punk had morphed into dogmatic crusties yelling at everyone about everything. Gavin McInnes

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I grew up on EC comic books and 'Tales From the Crypt,' which were all loaded with humor, bad jokes, and puns. I can have that kind of fun and make these comic book movies but, at the same time, talk about things I want to talk about - whether it's consumerism or the Bush administration or war. George A. Romero

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Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. George Eliot

Great Jokes Humor Great Strain Affections Taste Different Strain

I usually stalk fans because I think they're really funny on Twitter. They don't know it, but I'll just go through their timelines, and if something is happening in the media, I always read fan accounts instead of the news because they have all the info and make the funniest jokes about it, so that's how I get my gossip - by stalking fans. Gigi Hadid

Funny News Jokes Gossip Fans Stalking Think Twitter About Something Through Instead Know Make Read Because Always How Go Accounts Get Just Fan Happening Really Media Funniest

I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old. Gilbert Gottfried

Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing. Gilbert Gottfried

Work You Jokes Words Comedy Joke Club Nice Kids Tell Bad Some Performing Comedian Comedians Comedy Club Makes Go Hear Blue Where Want Use Your Who

I'm really bad at writing jokes. Glenn Howerton

Jokes Writing Bad Really

I got all sorts of great Nebraska jokes. Gordon Gee

Great Jokes Sort Got Nebraska

It's kind of low brow, but the show 'Bob's Burgers' is hilarious, and being from the Midwest, I can kind of relate to a lot of the jokes. 'Orange is The New Black' is a Netflix Exclusive, I think - that's really funny. Gracie Gold

Funny Jokes Black Hilarious Think Relate Kind Brow Netflix Exclusive New Lot Orange Being Midwest Low Bob Really Show

I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I am, but when I watch myself, it doesn't make me laugh. Does that make sense? Because I know the jokes, and to me, I feel like I'm pulling the wool over people's eyes. And there are probably people who do not enjoy what I do. Greg Behrendt

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Vegas has the Whitman's Sampler of audiences. They come from all different places, so you have to do some crowd psychology. You have to find the heartbeat of the room. It doesn't shift my jokes, but it shifts my timing and my attention. Hal Sparks

You Jokes Timing Find Some Crowd Vegas Attention Come Audiences Shift Shifts Heartbeat Different Psychology Places Room Whitman Different Places

I think one of my first jokes - in the black community, there's people who have jokes about skin tone. People like, 'You so black, you purple.' 'You so black, you gotta smile so we can see you at night.' Hannibal Buress

Smile You Jokes People Black First Skin Community Think Black Community See About Purple Like Gotta Who Tone Night

Once you're in a room like '30 Rock,' it's a creative setting, so you write more even after you go home, just because you're still in that mode of coming up with jokes. So the job wasn't sapping standup jokes, but it was sapping stand up time and energy, and I wouldn't be able to travel as much. Hannibal Buress

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When I started doing standup when I was 17, I was talking about being Indian and specifically ethnic jokes. Straightforward stuff that was fairly ignorant that I knew would get the laugh. It wasn't flipping stereotypes; it was using them. Hari Kondabolu

I was in California the first time I heard Michael Jackson wanted to record with me. I was, like, 'Nah, no way, he's too big, it can't be true.' Then I got a call from Michael's people at my hotel telling me he was interested. But I still wasn't believing it - I thought they were setting me up for a TV practical jokes show. Heavy D

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I'm a fun person. I like cracking jokes and being completely nerdy. Helena Christensen

Jokes Nerdy Like Person Cracking Being Fun

When it comes to African Americans and African American actors, Hollywood has always felt that if you can make us laugh, that's fine, but we don't need to see you do a 'Schindler's List,' where there's no jokes or music or comedic through-line. Hill Harper

I was interned in Auschwitz for one year. I didn't bring back anything, except for a few jokes, and that filled me with shame. Then again, I didn't know what to do with this fresh experience. For this experience was no literary awakening, no occasion for professional or artistic introspection. Imre Kertesz

I used to love being the class clown. I loved to make jokes and make people laugh. There was a set of students who would find it funny. But the cool students were like, 'Eeew!' Issa Rae

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