457 Jokes Quotes for You to Enjoy

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something. Steve Harvey

Life Jokes Old My Life Stage Telling Some Something Years Want Mean Standing

I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don't laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that's not real laughter. Steve Martin

Day Me You Jokes Laughter Punch Punch Line Say Laugh Laughs Bothered Sincerely Comedians Operating Audience Said Real Line Were Lines Automatic Automatically Either Realized Moment Thing

I think of myself as a writer with a sense of humour rather than a comedy writer. Happy to tell a story with lots of jokes in it - I wouldn't know how to do jokes without the story. Steven Moffat

Myself Jokes Happy Comedy Sense Think Humour Tell Rather Writer Know Without How Lots Than Story

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do. Steven Wright

Jokes People Illusion Think Imagination Telling Give Something Something New New Continue Trying May Just Stories Really Creating Connected Using

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at. Steven Wright

Jokes People Will Predict Laugh Only Still Works Ever Four

No pickup lines! They're the worst. But I love jokes. Sylvia Hoeks

Love Jokes Pickup Worst Lines

I have, like, two and a half years of failed jokes that I know I wouldn't repeat, but I certainly have no comprehension of what definitely works. And the only gauge that I can go by is, 'This makes me laugh,' and is joyful... I like to, if possible, do things that people can enjoy and it doesn't take anybody down. Taran Killam

Me Jokes People Half Down Enjoy Gauge Definitely Laugh Possible Comprehension Only Take Failed Like Joyful Know Half Years Makes Go Repeat Years Anybody Certainly Works Things Two

I don't want to sound hoity-toity, but people told me I should watch 'Cheers' because it's very funny. So I watched it, and I just went, 'This is the great show of the universe?' To me, acting is making characters believable, not just doing jokes. Teri Garr

They're just jokes, people. They can't all be funny. Theo Von

Funny Jokes People Just

If the coach on the sidelines is not that strong, transmitting the kind of spirit he has, players won't always handle it well. Life becomes difficult. But, with Mourinho, everything is good. He knows when to be among his players, as 'one of us' making jokes as a friend, and when to be strong and distant, even severe. Thibaut Courtois

Life Good Jokes Strong Be Strong Difficult Sidelines Everything Distant Severe Kind Spirit He Well Knows Becomes Always Making His Friend Handle Us Coach Transmitting Even Among Players

Before I had a double mastectomy, I was already pretty flat-chested, and I made so many jokes over the years about how small my chest was that I started to think that maybe my boobs overheard me... and were just like, 'You know what? We're sick of this. Let's kill her.' Tig Notaro

Me You Jokes Made Before Think Sick Pretty About Small Had Over Like Know Mastectomy Overheard How Were Chest Years Maybe Just Double Many Her Started

I think I was a behavior problem, mostly, but in a fun way. I tried to tell jokes. I was the middle kid, so I was always looking for attention and trying to be the one that equalized everything. Timothy Simons

Jokes Problem Behavior Looking Think Everything Way Kid Tell Tried Attention Mostly Always Trying Middle Fun

I think any decent comedy worth its salt has to have heart, otherwise it's just a bunch of jokes. I think people enjoy comedies that have a heart and soul to them. Tom Bennett

Soul Jokes Heart People Worth Comedy Salt Enjoy Think Otherwise Comedies Heart And Soul Bunch Any Just Decent Them

But television, when I was doing it, was all about scoring. You had to make these jokes bang, do whatever you could to make the material really pop. And if it didn't, there was something wrong with the material, or with you. Tom Hanks

You Jokes Whatever Television About Something Could Had Wrong Make Material Doing Scoring Bang Really Pop

I used to do much shorter jokes a lot more. Tom Segura

Jokes More Lot Much Used

When you're doing standup, it's just you. It's your written jokes. You perform it however your personality is. Tony Rock

You Jokes Personality Written Perform Doing However Just Your Standup

The editor of a newspaper, who is an old friend, asked me to write a column. According to her, I cracked lame jokes all the time and read voraciously. Twinkle Khanna

Time Me Jokes Old Write Column Read Editor Friend According Cracked Lame Old Friend Newspaper Asked Who Her

What I've been able to do with my character, Madea, and the other characters, with the jokes, is use it as an anesthetic to get to the heart and soul of real issues. And what I've found on stage over the years is that, while making people laugh, I can drop in pearls of wisdom. Tyler Perry

Wisdom Character Soul Jokes Heart People Drop Stage Other Laugh Characters Anesthetic Able Over Making Real Issues Been Years Heart And Soul Real Issues Get While Use Found Pearls

I used to tell jokes about Internet-enabled lightbulbs. I can't tell jokes about it anymore - there already is an Internet-connected lightbulb. Vint Cerf

Jokes Tell About Anymore Used

Once I took to Twitter and shared those jokes, they became a huge hit. My following grew, and some of the posts got thousands of retweets. With so many shares, money from sponsors followed. Virender Sehwag

The jokes I was always attracted to, and that I would tell for the longest, were jokes where I cared about the subject. Whenever I wrote a joke where I didn't care, even if it was really funny, the third time I told it, it would lose steam. W. Kamau Bell

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