Tom Segura Quotes

Tom Segura

American Comedian

Born: Apr 16, 1979

Always Down Me People Think You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

I always like it when I eat myself out of breath. That's a good boost to my day. You know, I'm eating, and I go, 'Oooohhh.' It's better a few moments later when you get to think about it, when you're like, 'Why did I just stop to take a deep breath? Oh yeah, my body also needs air.' Tom Segura

Myself Good Day Needs You Better Few Breath Think Air Later Boost Out Eat Eating About Take Take A Deep Breath Like Know Also Always Yeah Go Get Did Oh Just Stop Oh Yeah Body Deep Moments Deep Breath Why

I like my shame straight up and honest, and nobody does it better than In-N-Out Burger. You go to In-N-Out Burger, and they ask you the most shameful question in fast food. 'I'll have a burger, fries and a Coke.' 'Will you be eating in the car?' 'Yeah. I think so.' Tom Segura

Food You Better Car Will Burger Think Coke Eating Shame Shameful Nobody Like Most Does Yeah Go Question Up Fries Than Straight Ask Fast Fast Food Honest

I think I'm a decent person. Tom Segura

Think Person Decent

People will say, 'What's your favorite part of Cincinnati?' I'm like, 'I was nine, man. I liked recess and having snacks. I didn't go anywhere. I was a kid.' Tom Segura

Man People Will Cincinnati Nine Say Kid Favorite Favorite Part Having Part Like Liked Go Snacks Anywhere Your Recess

Every person learns with time and experience. Tom Segura

Time Experience Every Learns Person

I used to do much shorter jokes a lot more. Tom Segura

Jokes More Lot Much Used

Traveling with kids is tough. My best advice is don't do it. Tom Segura

Best Tough Advice Kids Traveling

When you shoot a special, you have no idea what's going to happen, and the fact that I got to do the first one with Comedy Dynamics was a roll of the dice. It was a game changer for me professionally. Tom Segura

Me You Game Comedy First No Idea Fact Idea First One Got Dice Shoot Roll Going Happen Dynamics Special Professionally

A lot of times, you land in a city, and you're like, 'This is not my people.' I'm gonna do the show, but you don't feel like this is for you. And then, some places, you just go and just fall into a groove, and you're like, 'This feels right.' Tom Segura

You People Fall City Some Feel Feels Like Go Lot Times Just Places Land Gonna Then Groove Show Right

Vancouver just feels comfortable to me. Tom Segura

Me Vancouver Feels Comfortable Just

I was about 17 or 18 years old, and Chris Rock's 'Bring the Pain' came out, and I was obsessed. You know, it just hit on everything that was going on at that time and was such an in-the-moment special, and he knocked it out of the park. Tom Segura

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