Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright

Steven Wright

American Comedian

Born: Dec 6, 1955

Got Me People Think Time You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield W. C. Fields

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Steven Wright

Birthday Fight Out Put Got Same Room Them

I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia. Steven Wright

Out Find Get Going Whether

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright

Temperature Make Make A Difference Always Difference Room

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? Steven Wright

Rest Too Drown Swimmer

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. Steven Wright

Buy Me General Store Anything Specific

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Steven Wright

Work You Fire Hydrant Park Factory Place Anywhere Used Near

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' Steven Wright

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. Steven Wright

You Written Over Over It Existential Map Here

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. Steven Wright

Dog Pet Gone Poured He Spot Now

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. Steven Wright

Car Had Driving Dizzy Got Stop Tires While

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright

Matter Temperature Always Room

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Steven Wright

Cat Curiosity Suspect While

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head. Steven Wright

Circus Guy Casual Head Like Look

OK, so what's the speed of dark? Steven Wright

Dark Speed OK

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. Steven Wright

Car Clown Had He His Friend Friends Died Who Funeral

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out. Steven Wright

Home Car Machine Says Out Message Call Answering Leave Now

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. Steven Wright

Thought Reading Everything About Poem Poetry Dictionary

Hermits have no peer pressure. Steven Wright

Pressure Peer Peer Pressure Hermits

How young can you die of old age? Steven Wright

You Age Old Young Old Age How Die

No more Steven Wright quotes

Haven't find the right quote? Try quotes from authors related to Steven Wright.