22 Jen Kirkman Quotes for You to Enjoy

Jen Kirkman

American Comedian

Born: Aug 28, 1974

Kids Love Me People Think You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

People think anything done from a woman's perspective is only going to appeal to women. Jen Kirkman

Woman Women People Perspective Think Only Done Going Anything Appeal

Have you ever tried to talk to a baby or a toddler? They never look you square in the eyes, they know about three words, and God forbid they ever ask you how you're doing. It's all about them! Jen Kirkman

Couples without kids have each other, their friends, families, and Siri to talk to. It's not like they're quarantining themselves in an underground bunker, never to take a romantic stroll on the beach or attend a Morrissey concert ever again. They're just using birth control. Jen Kirkman

Control Other Birth Birth Control Kids Stroll Beach Take Never Attend Like Talk Underground Couples Concert Without Friends Families Bunker Just Romantic Again Themselves Using Each Ever

Parents talk a lot about how much strength and dedication it takes to raise a child. I think it also takes a lot of strength and dedication to carve out a life that doesn't seem normal to anyone else. Jen Kirkman

The women doing comedy do not even think of themselves as 'female' comedians. Jen Kirkman

Women Comedy Think Comedians Female Doing Themselves Even

By the time I started doing stand-up, the club scene had died. Jen Kirkman

Time Club Scene Had Doing Died Club Scene Started By The Time

I have this idyllic love life, but my mind just won't accept that. I would like to bring a new guy home every night. I try to make humor out of that situation. Jen Kirkman

Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch. Jen Kirkman

Love Education Luxury College Young Community Saving Else Nurses College Education Someone Instead Retirement Male Replete Handsome Currently Golf Who

I rarely have out-of-town visitors because you have to do things like take them around L.A. Jen Kirkman

You Visitors Rarely Take Like Because Around Them Things

There are a lot of things I might be good at, such as competitive figure skating, window washing from ten stories up, and being an open heart surgeon. I might also make an excellent Kamikaze pilot - except for the fact that I don't want to learn how to fly and have no interest in taking my own life on behalf of Japan. Jen Kirkman

Life Good Heart Surgeon Pilot Fly Own Window No Interest Ten My Own Fact Excellent Except Open Taking Also Make Learn How Lot Up Behalf Being Want Stories Interest Skating Japan Might Figure Figure Skating Washing Things Competitive

I have memories of my grandfather Kirkman making mashed potatoes that were so good because they tasted like a bowl of butter. I love my mom's brownies. My favorite thing about both of those recipes is that someone else made them for me. Jen Kirkman

Love Good Mom Me Memories Made Recipes Else Those Favorite Favorite Thing About Someone Potatoes Both Mashed Potatoes Like Bowl Because Making Were Tasted Them Grandfather Butter Thing

As a woman of a certain age - and really, ever since I hit puberty and my baby-making parts were suddenly subject to public debate - I've been told over and over again that I will 'change my mind' about not wanting kids. Jen Kirkman

Change Woman Age Debate Mind Will Kids About Over Since Parts Were Been Subject Hit Wanting Again Puberty Public Really Certain Certain Age Suddenly Ever

Sometimes I feel like if two parents were given $100, and a child-free person was given $100, everyone would assume that the parents would invest their money wisely because they're smart. And people like me would just go buy candy. Jen Kirkman

If I write a joke, sometimes people will call it a 'lie,' and I'm fascinated with that. Jen Kirkman

Lie People Sometimes Will Joke Write Call Fascinated

I love being on the road, but to make a living as a road comic, you have to be on it most weeks out of the year. That's just too much for me. But I would love to be such a successful road comic that I don't have to go on it every week. Jen Kirkman

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