9552 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

I sold a bunch of stuff. I sold Omaha Steaks, vacation packages... the worst, though, was Time Life Books, because no one wants Time Life Books. No one wants an 'Encyclopedia Brittanica' showing up at their house. Adam DeVine

Life Time Sold Books Worst Though No-One Stuff House Because Encyclopedia Up Bunch Wants Packages Showing Showing Up Vacation Omaha

You want to be excited about what you're doing. So whenever I get tired, I think, 'Would ten-year-old Adam be pretty stoked on what I'm doing and what's happening?' So I just live my life as if I'm using my ten-year-old brain. Adam DeVine

My senior year of high school, I got into UCLA, but my family couldn't afford it. Adam DeVine

Family School Year High High School Got Afford Senior Senior Year

When I auditioned for 'Pitch Perfect,' I didn't know it was a singing movie. I didn't read the script. I go to the audition, and I'm like, 'Oh, it's a baseball movie.' But then I'm reading the lines, and I'm like, 'This doesn't seem like a baseball movie.' Adam DeVine

Singing Reading Seem Perfect Like Know Read Audition Go Lines Pitch Oh Movie Script Then Baseball

As far as stand-ups go, I always loved Richard Pryor, Chris Rock, and Sinbad. Basically, I love black comedians because they're the funniest. I wish I were a black comedian, actually. Adam DeVine

What's so cool about movies is once you're done with the movie, you put it away and come up with a whole new different idea with different characters and a different world. But in TV, you build these characters, and you build this world, and then you're there for however long you do the show. Adam DeVine

You World Long Build Once Characters TV About Put Idea New Come However Up Done Different Movie Different Characters Movies Then Show Cool Whole Different World Away

I always wanted to be a comedic actor - that's what I wanted from the job - to do comedy and to create my own comedy. But I still love doing stand-up and will probably be doing it forever. I'd love to be an old guy who can't really walk, can't really stand-up, and I have to sit on the stool and tell jokes. Adam DeVine

Love Jokes Comedy Walk Old Will Job Sit Own Tell Guy My Own Comedic Always Still Doing Forever Stool Wanted Old Guy Create Really Who Actor

Hot girls have so many options. Sitting at home alone any night of the week and searching the Internet for a dude is on zero hot girls' agendas. So they're definitely not coming after you. Adam DeVine

Alone Home You Internet Girl Definitely Week Hot Dude Coming Options Sitting Any After Agendas Many Searching Zero Night

Naked dudes are inherently funny. Adam DeVine

Funny Naked Dudes Inherently

I'm not a good rapper. For whatever reason, my brain does not work that way. I just do the beginning, like, 'Yeah, yeah! Ha ha! Woo! What up? Come on! Get at me!' I'm Captain Hook. Adam DeVine

Work Good Me Rapper Beginning Whatever Way Hook Come Like Does Yeah Brain Up Get Just Woo Reason Captain

My primary responsibility is to be funny. Al Madrigal

Funny Responsibility Primary

My daughter plays keyboard very well, and my son plays guitar, and they're totally into music. Al Madrigal

Music Son Guitar Daughter Keyboard Totally Well Very Plays

You re-watch 'Napoleon Dynamite', and there's a lot of thrift shopping that goes on in that movie; there's a lot of funny stuff. It's definitely amusing, and paying 99 cents for a samurai sword is amazing. Al Madrigal

Funny You Shopping Amazing Funny Stuff Definitely Thrift Stuff Napoleon Lot Goes Movie Samurai Dynamite Cents Paying Sword Amusing

A lot of Latinos are like me: third generation, English speaking. Al Madrigal

Me Generation Latinos Like Lot Speaking English English-Speaking Third

I love doing a show that makes no mention of ethnicity. Al Madrigal

Love Mention Makes Doing Ethnicity Show

I suppose I had my rock star fantasies while I was singing into my hairbrush in the bathroom mirror, but I never really consciously said, 'OK, this is what I'm going to do for a living and I'm going to be Weird Al.' Al Yankovic

Mirror Singing Living Bathroom OK Never Had Weird Suppose Rock Said Rock Star Going While Fantasies Really Star Al

You don't need to be defined by your job. Al Yankovic

You Job Defined Your Need

There aren't that many superstars around anymore. Al Yankovic

Superstars Around Anymore Many

I can't get too offended when somebody parodies me. Al Yankovic

Me Offended Somebody Too Get

There are probably a few library fines I haven't paid yet, but I'm a pretty clean-cut guy overall. Al Yankovic

Library Few Pretty Fines Guy Clean-Cut Overall Paid

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit. Al Yankovic

Work Funny You Writing Own Rules Parody Merit Know Material Gotta Source Source Material Regardless Whether Why

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