Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld

American Comedian

Born: Apr 29, 1954

Funny Love Me People Think You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. Jerry Seinfeld

Funny You Two-Year-Old Top Kind Having Blender Like

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. Jerry Seinfeld

Christmas Me People Other Spirit True True Spirit Than Being Helped

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Think Delicate Subjects Explosive

We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment. Jerry Seinfeld

Total Contact Fallen Moment Trap Disregard Present Present Moment

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Jerry Seinfeld

You Challenges Yourself Alive Know How Still Motivate

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun. Jerry Seinfeld

You People Comedy Strangers Laugh Like Talk Make Because Friends Get So Much Fun Much Paid Your Fun Four Levels

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. Jerry Seinfeld

You Game Marriage Water Will Made Outcome Except Like Pieces Make Smoke Chess Effect Any Move Board Flowing

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it. Jerry Seinfeld

Someone Small Environment Beautifully Does Affected Task Whole

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.' Jerry Seinfeld

Me Women Men Somebody Naked Advice Think Magazines Know Learn Because Doing Lot Very Just Want Little Show

To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information. Jerry Seinfeld

Me Laugh Guy Like Information Full

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. Jerry Seinfeld

Funny You World Live Not Interested Interested

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. Jerry Seinfeld

Care Men Else TV Only dont Care

I like money, but it's never been about the money. Jerry Seinfeld

Money About Never Like Been

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to. Jerry Seinfeld

People Lied Tabloids Read Who Deserve

I think of myself more as a sportsman than I do an artist. Jerry Seinfeld

Myself Think More Sportsman Than Artist

I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything. Jerry Seinfeld

Me Magazine More Write Knew New Wrote She Proud Editor Article Than Anything Automobile Asked Porsche

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