Quotes by Comedians

I myself am a parent in a small business. Number of employees: one. P. J. O'Rourke

Myself Business Employees Parent Small Small Business Am Number

Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God's grace. P. J. O'Rourke

When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job and/or insurance and can pay the hospital. and another bill, which is tacked onto your bill, to cover the medical expenses of someone who doesn't have a job and/or insurance and can't pay the hospital. P. J. O'Rourke

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent! P. J. O'Rourke

Married Pretty Someone Parent Excellent Fortunately

Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left. P. J. O'Rourke

Other Obama More Left Than Irritating Barack Barack Obama

I'm a member of the 1960s generation. We didn't have any wisdom. P. J. O'Rourke

Wisdom Generation Member 1960s Any

I am unboreable in the great outdoors. P. J. O'Rourke

Great I Am Outdoors Am

Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician. P. J. O'Rourke

Politician Parades Part Effort Skill Requires Raining

If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked. P. J. O'Rourke

Death Somebody Starved Would Would-Be Heard Shocked Sweden Switzerland

The budget doesn't have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn't have much control over the budget. P. J. O'Rourke

Government Control Over Budget Again Then Much

If elected, I will win. Pat Paulsen

Win Will Elected

Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up. Pat Paulsen

You Everything Presidents Tend Know Mess Up Tinker

A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose? Pat Paulsen

You Gun Down Moose Knows Spot Walking Who Street Necessity

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. Patton Oswalt

You Coins He Head Stick Hit Gold Midget Turns

I laughed all the way through Love Story. Paul Lynde

Love Love Story Way Laughed Through Story

The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what other people say. It's about what you hear. Paul Merton

You People Listening Other Say People Say About Hear Improvisation Thing

People ask me, when was my best time? I always say, 'Today.' Paul Mooney

Today Time Best Me People Say Best Time Always Ask

If your hair is relaxed, white people are relaxed. If your hair is nappy, they're not happy. Paul Mooney

Happy People Hair White Relaxed Your

The king of comedy is dead. Richard Pryor was the king of comedy. The rest of them are the king of copycats. Paul Mooney

Comedy Rest King Dead Pryor Them Richard Richard Pryor

White people are very good at acting like they're not racist. They deserve an Academy Award for that. Paul Mooney

Good People White Like Academy Academy Award Very Acting Award Deserve