Dennis Miller Quotes

Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller
American Comedian
Born: Nov 3, 1953
Being Me More People Time You
Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield Steven Wright W. C. Fields
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese. Dennis Miller
Cheese Lying Wisconsin Washington Washington D.C.
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. Dennis Miller
Education You Problem System Out Only Know Begins Realize
Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. Dennis Miller
Time Me First Born Born-Again Excuse First Time Getting Again Right
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. Dennis Miller
Funny You Long Nothing Insightful About Shallow Wrong Being
It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity. Dennis Miller
Time Culture Thought Nothing Enough Complaint Enough Time Everyone Our About Having More Than Ironic Biggest Eternity Us
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. Dennis Miller
Quilt Radical AIDS Blaming Global Global Warming Warming Right Homophobic
Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge. Dennis Miller
Needs Edge Top Joan Carrot Telling Carrot Top Lauren Dress Bruce Rivers He Wrong Like Get Lenny Lenny Bruce Her
Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention. Dennis Miller
Will Pay Pay Attention Conservatives Liberals Attention Most Because American Games Play
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking. Dennis Miller
Me Game People Cause Somebody Own Thinking Say Drift Head Understand Always Stagnant Interesting Who Shows Found Why
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? Dennis Miller
You Marriage Money Cold Paper Tell Someone Cash More Never Idea Piece Well Sure Discount Than Just Might Hard Ever
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels. Dennis Miller
Light Police Assuming Local Week Through Drivers Catch Red Red Light Lights Opposed Go Were Cameras Surveillance Being Use Used Who Being Used Many Using Washington Now Incorrectly
President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which. Dennis Miller
People President Gave President Bush Address Presidential Out Both Reaction However Were Mixed His Trying Which Spanish Bush Figure English Radio
I lapsed into rude. Dennis Miller
Rude
I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless. Dennis Miller
Want Clueless Help Helpless
I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian. Dennis Miller
Comedian Credibility
Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand. Dennis Miller
Elvis More Perks Than Office Holds Elected
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess. Dennis Miller
World See More Checkers Like Chess Than Bush
I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about Democrats or Republicans. She thought about who made sense. I've been both in my life. Dennis Miller
Life Politics Mom Thought Made My Life Sense Think Out Kind About Both He Know She Democrats Were Been Moved Republicans Who Dad Early
I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years. Dennis Miller
Best Me Sports People Job Pretending Down Think Broadcasting Had Always Years Fun Thing Two
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign. Dennis Miller
War Business Fight People Care Our Way Dime Immediately Touching Taken Taking Like Until Campaign Shock Turn Turn-On Then Moment Aw Right Start
Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on. Dennis Miller
Money Conservative Half Down Think Liberal Those Ourselves Kind Except Put Most Just Keeping Things Defending
A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away. Dennis Miller
Man White Strongest Blacks He Support New Obvious South Southern Senator Poll Far Far Away Who Appeal Shows Away Lives Amongst Kerry
One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech. Dennis Miller
Man Voltaire Another
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. Dennis Miller
Way Tell Only French Iraq Going Them Found
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways. Dennis Miller
Parenting Job Important Nation Highways Most Important Job Off The Most Important Planet Next Keeping Gary
America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school. Dennis Miller
Best World School Country Summer Kind Like America May Being
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