Dave Barry Quotes

Dave Barry
Dave Barry
American Journalist
Born: Jul 3, 1947
About Had People Will You Your
Related authors: Ambrose Bierce Charles Krauthammer Erma Bombeck Hunter S. Thompson Mignon McLaughlin Walter Cronkite William F. Buckley, Jr. William Lloyd Garrison
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. Dave Barry
Seven Seem Absolute Had He Between Like Another Tragic Person May Scream Depressing Even Four
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. Dave Barry
Television Generator Brain Nuclear
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail. Dave Barry
Patriotism Strong Try Duty Citizens Feel Because Go Jail Patriotic IRS Fully Cooperate
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. Dave Barry
Game Problem Possible Soon Pieces Chess End Wanted
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. Dave Barry
Threat Real Endangered Whale Whales Whaling Which Many Species
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. Dave Barry
God Made Cute Furry Plight Would Had He Concerned Wanted Them Toad Us
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column. Dave Barry
Good Crazy Reading Fact Column Nobody Like Readership In Fact Newspaper Declining Good Chance Chance
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West. Dave Barry
Try Looking New Concept October Came Were West New Place Up Get Place Century Fifteenth Europeans
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. Dave Barry
Clark Trip Ultimate Camping Expedition Lewis Lewis And Clark
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. Dave Barry
Accidents Percent Objects Factor Involving Falling Contributing Nearly Gravity
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. Dave Barry
Food Trust Kind Eyeballs Totally Only Stick Fish Seafood
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. Dave Barry
Good College Parents Become Believe Our We Cannot Must Educated Encourage Afford Get Children Cannot
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. Dave Barry
Only Purpose Computer Computers Mainly Am His Person Who Uses
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin. Dave Barry
Better Country Complain System Possibly Admit About Except Know Operate Jury Much Flipping Coin
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true! Dave Barry
You Words Job Be True Wish Think Mine Plus Had True Like Repeat Up Certain Even Number
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories. Dave Barry
Sad News Happy TV Would TV News About Faces Fact Feel Supposed Know Make How Am Stories Personalities Many
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. Dave Barry
Age Sex Characteristics Eye Security Determines Color Information Social Your Unique Social Security Biological Number
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. Dave Barry
Time Doubt Live Would Could Sacrifices Prime Prime Time Major Parties Conduct Human Anybody Notice
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. Dave Barry
Religion You People Writing Problem Run Religious Religious People About Risk Sincerely Come Offending The Problem With After Then
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. Dave Barry
You Nothing Enormous Baby Would Find Open Gland Head Drool Am Were Up Should Moment Suggesting
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. Dave Barry
Food Coffee Foam Eating Only Cakes Like Chewing Cup Rice Less Filling
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. Dave Barry
Life You Better Computer Take Look Mess Call Understand Personal Pathetic Your Why Need
It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money. Dave Barry
Art Money Own Spending Defined Purchased Personal Experts Public Who
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Dave Barry
Me Worst Part Ball Always Been Hitting Golf Far Playing
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. Dave Barry
Death Fashion Cause Through Leading Leading Cause Falling Models Among Street
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. Dave Barry
Relationship You Assume Guy Never He Understands
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