Erma Bombeck Quotes

Erma Bombeck
American Journalist
Born: Feb 21, 1927
Died: Apr 22, 1996
Car Children Me Mother Will You
Related authors: Ambrose Bierce Charles Krauthammer Dave Barry Hunter S. Thompson Mignon McLaughlin Walter Cronkite William F. Buckley, Jr. William Lloyd Garrison
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. Erma Bombeck
Life Hope God Me You My Life Single Before Gave Everything Say Bit Would Could Talent Left End Stand Used
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving Dinners Minutes Consumed Take Hours Eighteen Twelve Prepare Coincidence
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. Erma Bombeck
Mom You Mother Matter Advice Mere Piece Answer Yes Get Going Want Formality Anyway Ask Your
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. Erma Bombeck
Life Woman Women Sex My Life Met Lunch Would Give Never Had Since Hour Read Affairs Trusted Up Polls Who
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. Erma Bombeck
You Better Laugh Make
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck
You Car Birth Given Never Anyone Lend Your Whom
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? Erma Bombeck
You Fire Smell Cares Else No-One Catch Housework Block Item Refrigerator Door Should Theory Multiply Why
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. Erma Bombeck
Would Jogging Only Could Take Hear Up Heavy Again Breathing Reason
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. Erma Bombeck
Mom You Mother Compassion Judgment Become Understanding Slowly Until Turns Your
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. Erma Bombeck
You Halloween Pretends Know She Grandmother Who
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. Erma Bombeck
Food Home Me You Women Spices Once Spice Out Throw Never Taking Know Go Were Forever Get Egyptians Buried Which Your
When humor goes, there goes civilization. Erma Bombeck
Humor Civilization Goes
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. Erma Bombeck
Dreams Courage Else Someone Takes Lot Your Show Your Dreams
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. Erma Bombeck
Christmas Morning World Nothing Sadder Than Child Awake
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. Erma Bombeck
Life You Old Rest Drop Tell Hat One Thing About Never He He Or She Name Know She How Child Expected Your Thing Raising
On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings. Erma Bombeck
Skin Our Sun Ourselves Out Sunny Beaches Occupy Off Hit Where Sand Bodies Keeping Vacations
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick. Erma Bombeck
Sick Sleeping Crooked Wrinkle Remake Blanket No-One Known Because Bed Mothers Spread Died Children After Who Ever
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up. Erma Bombeck
Mind Will About Only Computer Take Facts Like Overload Go Brain Lot Up Blow Human Then Human Mind Theory Many
Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids. Erma Bombeck
Mom You Drop Sit Guest Those Kids Entertained Eat Clean Never Wrong Towels Do You Know Know House Call Because Answered Till Just Dishes Meals Them Rooms Use Who Wash
Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. Erma Bombeck
You Will Housework Right
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. Erma Bombeck
Fitness Women Car Followed Them Thin
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. Erma Bombeck
Man Sports Three Football He Football Games Dead Legally Should Games Row Watches
Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago. Erma Bombeck
Business Mother Single Thanks Society Back Way Out Gifts Box Boxes Years Years Ago Stores Twenty Found Cardboard Cardboard Box Receive
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes. Erma Bombeck
National Clothes Live Society Wear Through Never Leaf Without Geographic How Traditional National Geographic Where Realizing Lucky Copy
Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead. Erma Bombeck
Me Fruit Once Brown Someone Threw Small Over Over It Hairy Until Dead Wastebasket
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? Erma Bombeck
You First Carousel Never Piece Did Anyone Notice Luggage Ever Belongs
Load more quotes

No more Erma Bombeck quotes

Haven't find the right quote? Try quotes from authors related to Erma Bombeck.

About
Site pages
Top Quotes
Authors
Today's birthdays
Copyright © Quotesia 2024