Dave Barry Quotes

Dave Barry

Dave Barry

American Journalist

Born: Jul 3, 1947

About Had People Will You Your

Related authors: Ambrose Bierce Charles Krauthammer Erma Bombeck Hunter S. Thompson Mignon McLaughlin Walter Cronkite William F. Buckley, Jr. William Lloyd Garrison

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. Dave Barry

Nature Business Way Promoting Motel Camping

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Dave Barry

Sleeping Circumstances Take Never Pill Same Any Any Circumstances Night

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' Dave Barry

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. Dave Barry

Stupid Believe Primary Make Scientists Males Breasts Function Now Biological

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. Dave Barry

Christmas Time Holiday Season Own Once Way Religious Come His Mall Going Again Holiday Us Choice Each Season Deeply

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Dave Barry

You Young Immature Once Only Always

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. Dave Barry

You Car Nothing Case Strongly Arise Feel Always Dogs Go Very Them Should Your Bark Right Ear Violently Need

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin. Dave Barry

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. Dave Barry

Face Down Trees Outdoor Knocking Skiing Your Fun

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers. Dave Barry

Religion Age Gender Believe Background One Thing Drivers Human The One Thing Human Beings Regardless Ethnic Ethnic Background Beings Thing Unites

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. Dave Barry

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. Dave Barry

World Nothing Teen Embarrassing Adolescent Parent More Than

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. Dave Barry

Death Immaturity Followed Look Continue Forward

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. Dave Barry

You Unless Boring Catch Fish Fishing Disgusting Then Actual

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires. Dave Barry

Believe We Cannot Out Inside Wires Because How Exists Sending Cannot Us Electric Figure Electricity Bills Company Travels Keeps

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. Dave Barry

Bag French Crawling Fat

If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. Dave Barry

You Word Big Enough Everything About Big Enough Dictionary Just

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. Dave Barry

Roman Empire Considered Empire Like Period Historical Roman Just Sixties Now

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. Dave Barry

Sheep Medium-Sized Rural Slowly Steadily Consumed Island Saint Patrick's Day Ireland Being

No more Dave Barry quotes

Haven't find the right quote? Try quotes from authors related to Dave Barry.