634 Joke Quotes for You to Enjoy

I've had shows where, afterwards, people have commented or hoped I would talk more about something in politics or that I would make a joke about Mitch McConnell or something like that. Wyatt Cenac

Politics People Joke Hoped Would About Something More Had Like Talk Make Commented Where Afterwards Shows

Death seems to be a long way off. Is this not shallow thinking? It is worthless and is only a joke within a dream. It will not do to think in such a way and be negligent. Insofar as death is always at one's door, one should make sufficient effort and act quickly. Yamamoto Tsunetomo

Death Will Long Joke Think Thinking Way Worthless Dream Dream It Seems Insofar Only Shallow Long Way Make Within Always Off Quickly Effort Door Should Act Such A Way Sufficient

People thought we were a joke because we got noticed so fast. Yolandi Visser

People Thought Joke Because Got Were Noticed Fast

When I first broke out, everyone was like, 'OK, so is this a joke?' They had to wait until I sold out shows before newspapers started writing about it. Yung Lean

Writing Wait Joke First Before Everyone Sold OK Broke Out About Had Like Until Newspapers Shows Started

I was chubby in high school. I used to go to my information technology class, and I would type really fast to get the lesson done quick because the teacher had a little acoustic guitar, and there was a girl I had a crush on in the class. I would take the guitar and pretend to be some great singer-songwriter, serenade her with joke songs. Tobias Jesso, Jr.

Teacher Great Technology Class Guitar School Girl Joke Lesson Type Chubby High Pretend Would Some High School Take Had Songs Crush Singer-Songwriter Because Go Quick Get Done Information Information Technology Acoustic Acoustic Guitar Little Really Used Fast Her

On 'Adam Ruins Everything' we do the broadest sketch comedy possible. We do stuff where you can see it immediately and know it's a joke - characters in big silly costumes; here's Uncle Sam and he's twiddling his fingers saying, 'Oh, I'm naughty.' Adam Conover

Saying You Comedy Naughty Uncle Joke Big Everything Ruins Immediately Possible Characters See Silly Fingers Costumes He Stuff Know His Sam Oh Where Sketch Sketch Comedy Here Adam

From as long as, literally as far back as I can remember I've liked puns, word jokes, I can literally recall looking at a comic at the age of six or seven and I remember what I enjoyed and what it was precisely and how the joke worked. Tom Stoppard

In my mid-20s, I was directing episodes of 'Alfred Hitchcock' and 'Peter Gunn.' I was pretty much on course and - as I sometimes joke - was prepared to devote my life to become the second best film director in my family. George Stevens, Jr.

The idea that any performer type is owed anything is a joke to me. Henry Rollins

Me Joke Type Idea Performer Owed Any Anything

I grew up in the South London outer areas of Bromley and Croydon. Bromley and Croydon are interchangeable punch lines to any joke somebody wants to make about a shit part of England. Nish Kumar

Somebody Joke Punch Outer London About Area Part Make Lines South Up Any Grew Wants Interchangeable England

Algorithms diminish public safety in this country. They ask us to pretend that lengthy arrest records and violent crimes don't matter. They ask police to scoop up the bad guys only for the courts to immediately release them. They turn us into a bad joke. John Kennedy

Police Safety Matter Joke Country Crimes Immediately Release Diminish Bad Pretend Bad Guys Guys Only Records Arrest Courts Scoop Up Public Lengthy Them Turn Ask Us Public Safety Violent

You don't really get it from NASCAR that they want you to be the bad guy or the good guy. They'll kind of joke around with you and be like, 'Hey, that was really good this past weekend. You did a great job for us. Ratings were up.' Kyle Busch

Good Great You Job Joke Past Hey Kind Bad Great Job Bad Guy Guy Ratings Weekend Like Around NASCAR Were Up Get Did Want Us Really Good Guy

People talk, 'Oh your father's a misogynist, look what he said about women,' like, on 'Howard Stern.' When he gets with Howard Stern, who's a friend of his, he'll joke around, because it's a comedy show. He's allowed to have a personality. Donald Trump, Jr.

I did the commencement speech at UNH in 2006, and one of the biggest jokes was a 'Guts' joke. Mike O'Malley

Jokes Joke Guts Commencement Did Biggest Speech

The U.S. - the idea that the U.S. has introduced and imposed principles of international law, that's hardly even a joke. The United States has even gone so far as to veto Security Council resolutions calling on all states to observe international law. That was in the 1980s under Reagan. Noam Chomsky

Law Joke Gone States Security Introduced Security Council Council Observe 1980s Idea Calling Principles Reagan Imposed Veto Far International Even International Law United United States Hardly Resolutions

You know, I liken it to - when you write a joke for somebody else, it's like you - you know, like the Wile E. Coyote dynamite plunger, where he pushes the plunger down and then you see the fuse go then there's an explosion in the distance? That's like writing a joke for somebody. When you tell the joke, you're in the explosion. Neal Brennan

I cracked one joke and I was the 'Funkasaurus.' Tyrus

Joke Cracked

You know, when I was a kid, I used to cry every day, like, when I was like, you know, 7 through 11 or 6 through 11, to the point where my brother and sisters would like - there was an ongoing joke where they would make me cry to keep my streak alive of crying every day. Neal Brennan

Looking back at my school reports, I start off as quite a swotty kid, and then when I get to 12 or 13, my teachers start saying: 'Lee has started to joke around a lot in class.' After that, it's a steady graph of decline, with the jokes increasing and increasing. Lee Mack

Saying Class Jokes School Joke Looking Looking Back Increasing Back Kid Steady Around Lee Lot Off Get Reports Quite After Decline Then Teachers Graph Start Started

I can pretty much make a joke out of any situation, I'm quick on my feet and I love to laugh. I am the biggest girly girl. I love to get dressed up, go shopping, and getting my nails done. Lizzie Velasquez

Love Shopping I Am Girl Joke Situation I Can Laugh Out I Love Pretty Dressed Girly Nails Feet Make Am Go Up Quick Get Any Done Getting Biggest Much

Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That's not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don't want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level. Patrice O'Neal

Time Natural People Joke Single Every Every Single Time Everybody Everything Laugh Laughing Could Feel Like Make Because Single Time Same Just Same Time Want Should Even Thing Level

People have been known to joke that my lifelong love of portal fantasies was born, at least in part, from the fact that stepping into my private spaces is a little like stepping through a portal into another world. Seanan McGuire

Love People World Joke Born Fact Through Lifelong Part Stepping Like Known Another Least Private Been Spaces Little Fantasies

I never really feel like just standing there and telling jokes. I want to move around. In fact, it's hard for me to write a joke where I don't end up on the ground for some reason. Hey, at least that way, I know no comics will steal my jokes. Too many bruises. Chris D'Elia

Me Jokes Will Joke Too Way Hey Telling Some Steal Fact Write Never Feel Like Know Around Least Comics End Up Move Just Where In Fact Want Really Hard Ground Reason Standing Many

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