123 Steven Wright Quotes for You to Enjoy

Steven Wright

American Comedian

Born: Dec 6, 1955

Got Me People Think Time You

Related authors: George Carlin Groucho Marx Milton Berle Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield W. C. Fields

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. Steven Wright

Black Out Stuff Make Box Plane Whole Why

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it. Steven Wright

Time Water Add One Time Some Instant Bought Know

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Steven Wright

Buy You Friends Barbie Popular Why Her

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark. Steven Wright

Accident Out Hospital Got Hit Just

I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke. Steven Wright

Arrested Karaoke

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. Steven Wright

People Power Yesterday Trapped Were Department Department Store Store Twenty

I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me. Steven Wright

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. Steven Wright

Death Science Science Fiction Leaving Die Fiction Body

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. Steven Wright

Evolution Darwin Adopted Theory

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright

Funny Batteries Some Bought Were Included

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. Steven Wright

Future Side Way Visionary See Only Could Peripheral Off

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. Steven Wright

Me Old Stayed Hotel Sent Really Letter Last Night Last Night

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. Steven Wright

Water Add Know Got Now

Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see. Steven Wright

Life Looking Think Everything Out See About General General Public Pointing Stuff Comedians Questioning Stop Public Even

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it. Steven Wright

Setting Press Permanent How Get Irons Notice Ever

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts. Steven Wright

Had Parts Use Ever Twins

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. Steven Wright

Thinking Indy Go Left Fast Earlier Watched

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Steven Wright

Drive Too Worry Way About Cholesterol Fast

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time. Steven Wright

Time Saw Hour Said Bank Banking Much

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. Steven Wright

Car Only Headlights Lights Like Looks Replaced Moving

My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time. Steven Wright

Time Young Sense Secret Staying Having No Sense

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. Steven Wright

Writing Autobiography

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