Erma Bombeck Quotes

Erma Bombeck
American Journalist
Born: Feb 21, 1927
Died: Apr 22, 1996
Car Children Me Mother Will You
Related authors: Ambrose Bierce Charles Krauthammer Dave Barry Hunter S. Thompson Mignon McLaughlin Walter Cronkite William F. Buckley, Jr. William Lloyd Garrison
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. Erma Bombeck
You People Care Wife Husband Bathing Bathing Suit Rules Wearing Something More Allow Feel Look Comfortable Than Same Shop Room Grow Suit
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. Erma Bombeck
Wisdom Mom Mother White League Infinite Little Uniforms Little League Certainly Who
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck
You Marriage Car Looking Live Battery Go Guarantees
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck
First Top Favorite Head Faint Until Household Bed Bunk Ironing Hitting Being Chore Second
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. Erma Bombeck
Lost Total Charm Pounds Bracelet Decades Hanging Should Two
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. Erma Bombeck
Time Home Me Marriage Job Dinner Husband Numerous Numerous Times Has-Been Relief Status Ring Temptation Wedding Wedding Ring Reminded Parties Go Maternity Go Home Been Source Years Led Times Done Ward Companion Symbol
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip. Erma Bombeck
Me Gossip National Our Say Some Pastime National Pastime Baseball
There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it. Erma Bombeck
Water Mother Out Something Only Wrong She Cup Soap After Measured Who Measuring
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.' Erma Bombeck
Time Sign Take Put Practical Years Very Children Rooms View Each Raising Raising Children
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? Erma Bombeck
You Men Somewhere Hair Would Directions Chest Stop Asked Your Growing
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo. Erma Bombeck
World Paradise Miserable Nothing Photo More Like Look Arrive Passport Than Your
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair. Erma Bombeck
Tired Old Young Too Paper Security Affair Social Social Security Route
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. Erma Bombeck
You Wait Car Bathroom Kids Out Perceived Until Always Where Place Groceries
Children make your life important. Erma Bombeck
Life Important Make Children Your
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. Erma Bombeck
Sometimes Design Flunked Anatomy Out Human Figure Designers
God created man, but I could do better. Erma Bombeck
God Man Better Could Created
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it. Erma Bombeck
Me Dignity Courage Enough State Carrying Hat Wear Someday Give Something Give Me Attending Instead Feminine Were Up Graceful Get May Certain Funeral
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub. Erma Bombeck
Strength Age Dog Three Own Extraordinary Bathtub Lift Weight Him Dump Endowed Youngsters Twice Two
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. Erma Bombeck
You Because Go Friend Diet Fat
Never order food in excess of your body weight. Erma Bombeck
Food Excess Never Weight Order Body Your Your Body
There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M. Erma Bombeck
Out One Thing Eat Never How Taught Wants Body Figure Thing
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