9553 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

I thought I was going to be like Kevin Spacey in college. Billy Eichner

Thought College Like Going Kevin

Every actor-performer says this, and it sounds so irritating, but I'm not the most outgoing person. Billy Eichner

Every Says Outgoing Most Sounds Person Irritating

I thought it would be funny to go to my Korean dry cleaner and ask her about my head shot, as if it's the most important thing in the world, and as if it's something that everyone should weigh on because it's important to me. Billy Eichner

Funny Me World Thought Important Everyone Would Would-Be About Something Cleaner Weigh Head Most Most Important Thing Dry Because Korean Important Thing Go The Most Important Ask Shot Should Her Thing

A lot of people in Hollywood, and everywhere pretty much, operate on fear. No one wants to get fired, so everyone's scared to take a chance. There's money involved, and there are careers and reputations on the line. Billy Eichner

I was a terrible waiter. Billy Eichner

Terrible Waiter

One thing that I love about 'Difficult People' is that Julie Klausner and our showrunner, Scott King, have written the lead character I play as a fully formed man. Billy Eichner

Love Character Man People King Difficult Our One Thing About Lead Lead Character Written Julie Scott Formed Fully Play Thing Difficult People

I took the Oscars very seriously as a child. Billy Eichner

Seriously Took Very Child Oscars

All I wanted to do as a kid was go to the post-Oscar parties I was seeing on 'Entertainment Tonight.' Billy Eichner

Entertainment Kid Seeing Parties Go Wanted Tonight

I'm on all the apps: Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, Scruff. I have no shame about that. Billy Eichner

Apps About Shame Bumble

I'm not a bro. Billy Eichner

Bro

If a comedian has a strong following, and the branded segment feels different compared to what you typically do, people will know right away that it's not authentic to who you are as a comedian or performer. Brands need to keep that in mind. Billy Eichner

You don't want to really pick on someone that you genuinely like. In terms of 'Billy on the Street,' there are certain actors - I don't care if they find out because I do feel that way. Though it's almost never about appearance or something out of their control. I pick on choices they've made or roles they've taken. Billy Eichner

You Care Made Control Way Though Out Find About Someone Something Never Pick Taken Almost Feel Like Terms Because Genuinely dont Care Roles Want Really Certain Choices Billy Appearance Actor Street

I did a live late-night talk show called 'Creation Nation' with friends of mine. I had a sidekick and a band, and I wrote the whole thing. And it had the form of a late-night talk show, but we did it on stage because no one was giving me a TV show at the time. Billy Eichner

Time Me Giving Nation Band Stage Creation Live Sidekick Late-Night Late-Night Talk Late-Night Talk Show Mine TV TV Show Had No-One Talk Talk Show Wrote Because Friends Did Form Show Whole Thing

I would watch the Oscars and every award show with my parents. I would make lists of who was going to win. I'd be doing Oscar predictions months ahead of time, and not only for the Oscars, for the Grammys. This is just what excited me as a kid. Billy Eichner

The streets of New York are diverse, but when you go into a Broadway show, unless Denzel Washington is in it, or Fantasia's in it, it's a lot of old white people and gay men. Billy Eichner

There are certain people you're allowed to pick apart and certain people you're not. Billy Eichner

You People Pick Allowed Apart Certain

If you're on TV, you can't complain, right? And I understand that, and it's true to a certain degree. Billy Eichner

You Degree Complain TV True Understand Certain Certain Degree Right

Entertainment, Hollywood, award shows - these are the things that really captivated me. Billy Eichner

Me Entertainment Hollywood Really Captivated Shows Award Award Shows Things

My mom had a heart attack, and it came out of nowhere - she was 54. My dad had leukemia for about 3 months. He was 80 when he passed. My dad had me later in life, and so he had leukemia and was alive for about 3 months between diagnosis and passing away. Billy Eichner

I learned early on that 'Billy on the Street' is a great lesson in 'Don't judge a book by its cover.' Billy Eichner

Great Book Judge Lesson Learned Cover Billy Street Early

I grew up in Queens, which is the most diverse borough: the rich and the poor and homeless and people of every sexual orientation and gender and age group. Everyone is saying we live in this bubble, and there's some truth to that. But I do not think it is healthy to all of a sudden invalidate the way we live in New York. Billy Eichner

Truth Saying Age People Gender Healthy Rich Live Group Every Think Everyone Way Sexual Some Diverse Bubble New Most Queens Up York New York Grew Which Age Group Poor Orientation Sudden Homeless

Quotes by Comedians