Quotes by Comedians

We've been swimming at nude beaches and I love to go skinny dipping, but I'm sorry, sitting on top of a mountain, that's just, you're trying to show off or something. That's ridiculous. Andy Richter

Love You Sorry Show Off Swimming Top Dipping Beaches Something Go Been Off Mountain Trying Sitting Just Show Skinny Ridiculous

Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers and tears and saving teenagers and creating a role model. And that ain't funny. No giggles there. Andy Richter

Because homecoming came first, and there was the homecoming court. The five guys on homecoming court were disqualified from being in the prom court. So being prom king was being sixth most popular. Andy Richter

King First Prom Guys Most Because Court Came Were Five Sixth Being Popular Homecoming Disqualified

No, I don't know any Emily Dickinson poems! Andy Richter

Poems Emily Emily Dickinson Know Any

I briefly considered doing Edgar Allan Poe and just swearing a lot. Andy Richter

Considered Poe Edgar Doing Lot Just Swearing

I watch mediocre shows that have been on for three or four seasons, and feel angry at them. Andy Richter

Angry Three Feel Been Them Shows Seasons Four Watch Mediocre

The people on 'Quintuplets' were great, but I wasn't a producer on that show, and it wasn't exactly my taste. Andy Richter

Great People Exactly Were Taste Producer Show

I mean, I'll say the filthiest things in the world, but when it comes down to it, I'm kind of a prude. Andy Richter

World Down Say Kind Prude Mean Things

Well, I refer to 'Celebrity Jeopardy ' as the short-bus 'Jeopardy,' because it is a lot easier. Like, there was a whole column basically naming stores in New York. Andy Richter

Easier Column New Like Naming Well Because Refer Lot Celebrity York New York Stores Whole Jeopardy Basically

I wouldn't want to be a talk show host. That's another awkward compliment people make. 'You should have your own talk show.' And I think, no thank you. Andy Richter

You People Thank You Own Think Compliment Host Talk Talk Show Talk Show Host Make Another Thank Want Should Your Show Awkward

The basic equation that mystified me as a young man was looking at guys who could actually get girls. I was always amazed, because they never seemed to care. I was like, 'How do they do that?' Andy Richter

If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity. Andy Samberg

You Jokes Humanity Piece Go Fart Let Go

I rode a bike around town when I was a kid, with my friends, but I never got into cycling as a sport or activity. But, it is really pleasant. It's really nice to hit the mountains with all the trees and everything. I get it. Andy Samberg

Mountains Cycling Nice Trees Pleasant Everything Kid Never Town Sport Around Got Rode Friends Hit Get Bike Really Activity

I don't think a baby is something that you should do because other people are doing it. Andy Samberg

You People Think Baby Other Something Because Doing Should

These damn smartphones have enabled us to do far more than we were ever meant to all at once. Andy Samberg

Damn Once More Were Than Far Us Meant Ever

I used to stay up at night and sneak into the TV room, past my parents, who were asleep, to watch Saturday Night's 'Main Event.' That's how I started watching SNL. On accident. Andy Samberg

I've always felt that if something is polarizing, that's usually the stuff I like the most. If something is taking a chance and is willing to be weird, that's my favorite thing. I know there's somebody out there who hates it. Andy Samberg

Somebody Favorite Out Willing Favorite Thing Hates Something Taking Weird Stuff Polarizing Like Know Most Felt Always Who Thing Chance

Class Day is a terrible name for a day when you don't have to go to any class. Andy Samberg

Day You Class Name Terrible Go Any

If I watch an episode of SNL, and there's one thing that I liked, then that's a good episode. Andy Samberg

Good One Thing Liked SNL Then Episode Thing Watch

I'm a big Letterman fan. Andy Samberg

Big Fan Letterman

I love Agassi - I really followed him a lot when I was a teenager and remember when guys like him and Michael Chang were just unstoppable. He was really inspiring. Every match was so dramatic and exciting. The guy played with a lot of heart. Andy Samberg

Love Heart Remember Every Teenager Dramatic Followed Guy Guys Inspiring He Remember When Exciting Unstoppable Like Him Match Were Lot Michael Just Really Played