Quotes by Comedians

It's not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school. Ellen DeGeneres
People School Girl Like Pranks Up Grew Playing
Hosting the Oscars is pretty much the scariest thing you can do. To me, this is right up there with bungee jumping! Ellen DeGeneres
Me You Scariest Pretty Hosting Up Jumping Much Right Thing Oscars
Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy. Emo Philips
Says Brother Well Hello Therapy Speech
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. Emo Philips
Jokes Head Heads Safe Comics Lot Duplicate Where Copy British
I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!' Emo Philips
Me You Father Will Ruby Says Marry Girlfriend Had She Said Jack Ask Asked Hello
People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi. Emo Philips
Me You People Alibi Well Always Were Where Ask Shot Kennedy
Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist. Emo Philips
Released Missionaries Return German Dutch Actually Two
England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'. Emo Philips
Better Out Only Unusual Because Stand England
People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce. Emo Philips
Me People Come Concerned Up Reproduce
You initially become funny as a kid because you're looking for attention and love. Psychologists think that's all to do with mother abandonment. I think John Cleese has his depressions, and Terry Gilliam's the same. All of us together make one completely insane person. Eric Idle
Love Funny You Together Mother Abandonment Looking Become Think Kid Insane John Attention Make Because Terry His Person Same Psychologists Depressions Us Initially
I do pool exercises, like weightlifting but underwater. I walk, I swim... I'm pretty fit for an old bloke. Eric Idle
Walk Old Pool Pretty Like Exercises Underwater Bloke Fit Swim
We've discovered that the less we do, the more money we make. Eric Idle
Money More Make Discovered Less
The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists: Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester? Eric Idle
Minister Give Lift Him Anyone Transport Appeal
You look just like you! Eric Idle
You Like Look Just
No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad. Eric Idle
Life Saying Day Me Words My Life Monty Monty Python Bad Someone Python Without Passes
I like the idea of being out there regularly with an audience and with a funny gang of people. That's what I grew up with - doing television, doing shows every week. Eric Idle
Funny People Every Television Out Week Idea Like Audience Doing Up Being Grew Regularly Gang Shows
I won't read scripts because I have a limited amount of time. Why should I help other people do lame stuff when I can just go out and put on lame stuff of my own? Eric Idle
Time People Own Other Out My Own Put Stuff Read Because Limited Go Just Lame Scripts Should Help Why Amount
I listen to the audience and try and bounce with them. All audiences are different. But they are all homo sapiens. Eric Idle
Try Bounce Audience Audiences Listen Different Them Sapiens Homo Homo Sapiens
Nobody gets irony anymore, as we are now living in the post-ironic age. Once George Bush gets a library, our irony is dead. Eric Idle
Library Age Living Our Once Nobody Dead George George Bush Irony Gets Anymore Bush Now
It just seems to me that there's no particular reason comedy albums should be dead. There's a lot to laugh at. We have very funny people, still. Eric Idle
Funny Me People Comedy Funny People Laugh Seems Particular Dead Still Lot Very Just Should Reason Albums
Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty. Eric Idle
Funny Survival People Speak School Comedy Naughty Some People Think Bat Spending Some Gene Soon Became Years Off Boarding Boarding School Right
I've always found bad films more enjoyable than good ones. Eric Idle
Good Films Bad Good Ones More Always Than Found Enjoyable
I was thrilled to win a Tony in 2005 for 'Spamalot'. Eric Idle
Win Thrilled Tony
If the studios paid the artists, how would they ever be able to afford the executives? Eric Idle
Would Able Studios Executives How Afford Artists Paid Ever
Americans like to think 'Python' is how English people really are. There is an element of truth to that. Eric Idle
Truth People Think Python Like How American Really English English People Element
We had not had time to establish ourselves as a double act before Ernie joined the Merchant Navy. I teamed up with the brother of the late Dave Morris. Eric Morecambe
Time Before Late Ourselves Brother Joined Dave Merchant Had Morris Up Establish Double Act Navy
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