9553 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

When I'm onstage, I'm on, but a different part of me is on: the part of me that absorbs life, sees everything occurring, and touches on everything around me. Carlos Mencia

Life Me Everything Sees Onstage Part Absorb Around Different

What I do is that I really, really try hard to make sure the things that I do comes from a pure place in my heart and my intent is a pure one. Carlos Mencia

Heart Try Pure Make Sure Intent Place Really Hard Things

If you've never seen me perform live, I'm a must-see. I'm very funny. I have a different perspective sometimes on a lot of what I do and the world itself, especially America. Carlos Mencia

Funny Me You World Sometimes Perspective Seen Live Never Perform Lot Itself Very America Different Different Perspective

On stage, I'm really, really tall. I'm five-foot-9, but on stage, I'm, like, six-foot-5. Carlos Mencia

Stage Like Tall Really

I could always talk about being a Latino and having a Mexican mom and a Honduran dad and being from Honduras. That was always an easy go-to place. But on the other hand, it was a crutch. Carlos Mencia

Mom Other Latino Easy About Having Could Crutch Talk Always Hand Mexican Being Place Dad Honduras

I know that if any other comedian came up to me questioning something I did or said, it would be literally settled in a heartbeat. I love comedy. I give to comedy. I don't take from comedy. Carlos Mencia

The easiest thing to do is put someone in a file of somebody you already know. 'Hey, you remind me of Sam Kinison' or 'You remind me of Richard Pryor.' That's fine, because I know that's the process. Eventually, my own file will be created. Carlos Mencia

Me You Will Somebody Own Hey Easiest Easiest Thing Fine Someone My Own Put Remind Know Because Sam Pryor Process Richard Richard Pryor Created File Eventually Thing

I know I'm funny. Carlos Mencia

Funny Know

I've dated many women at the same time. But I told them. I didn't keep any secrets from them. Carlos Mencia

Time Women Secrets Dated Same Any Same Time Them Many Keep

For me, it's always better to tell people the truth, because people can accept the truth. Carlos Mencia

Truth Me People Better Tell Accept Because Always

I've gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine. They say, 'I can't believe you talked about this - you're racist.' And I say, 'How can I be racist? Isn't racism exclusionary? If all of you are offended, that means I'm including every race in my jokes.' Carlos Mencia

You Jokes Racism Offended Trouble Believe Every Say About Talked How Gotten Race Means Including They Say Imagine

It's a pleasure to be doing a show for Comedy Central. Traditional networks would cast me as the head of a household with 16 children, which I find extremely offensive because there are 18 kids in my family. Carlos Mencia

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby. Carlos Mencia

You Living Baby Laughing

I choose to live in a positive world and a positive presence. Carlos Mencia

Positive World Live Choose Presence

I never want to forget that my job is to make people laugh. Carlos Mencia

People Job Laugh Never Make Forget Want

My comedy is about, lift yourself. See reality. Change the reality if you don't like it. But if you can't, then deal with things as they are because crying about it isn't going to change anything. Carlos Mencia

You Change Reality Yourself Comedy See About Lift Like Crying Because Deal Going Anything Then Things

If you don't like your job, then change it by getting some better skills. Until then, shut up and get my burger with a smile, like in the commercials. Carlos Mencia

Smile You Change Better Job Burger Some Like Until Up Commercials Get Getting Then Skills Your Shut Shut Up

I always knew I was going to lose weight. Carlos Mencia

Lose Weight Knew Always Going

If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects, poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn't get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that. Carlos Mencia

People Comedy Thought Own Assumed Everybody Way Projects Say East Angeles Knew Understand Am Understood Los Came Los Angeles Were Up Get Being Where Grew Poor Reasons Needed

'America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.' It's one of those jokes that doesn't hit people right away, because it's so prevalent that we don't get it. Carlos Mencia

Great Jokes People Country Great Country Those Because Hit America Get Poor Poor People Away Right Right Away Fat

Quotes by Comedians