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David Sedaris Quotes
David Sedaris Quotes
David Sedaris
American
Writer
Born:
Dec 26
,
1956
Books
Like
Me
People
Think
You
Related authors:
Dale Carnegie
Denis Waitley
Dr. Seuss
H. L. Mencken
Napoleon Hill
Ray Bradbury
W. E. B. Du Bois
William Arthur Ward
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
David Sedaris
Change
People
Long
Slightest
Out
Case
Long List
Idea
Prospective
Got
How
Still
List
Candidates
Just
Should
Figure
Keep
Ever
But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
David Sedaris
Humorist
Pretended
Never
Reporter
What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
David Sedaris
Funny
People
Dark
Other
Despairing
Call
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
David Sedaris
Art
Dangerous
Parents
Few
State
Took
State University
Months
Destroy
Entire
Potential
Both
Civilizations
Combination
Conceptual
Conceptual Art
Crystal
Discovered
Where
After
Either
Apartment
Near
Basement
Things
University
I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.
David Sedaris
Morning
You
Joke
Argument
Every
Aid
Later
Say
Someone
Invaluable
Something
Winning
February
Write
Most
Said
Been
Years
Diary
Often
Just
Quote
Whining
Use
Description
Keeping
I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
David Sedaris
Whatever
About
Write
Like
Reserve
Right
If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.
David Sedaris
You
Somebody
Read
Diary
Get
Deserve
I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
David Sedaris
Good
You
People
Think
Like
Policy
Always
Who
To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.
David Sedaris
News
Big
Humorist
Say
Laughs
Exaggerate
See
How
Big News
Get
I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.
David Sedaris
Me
Everything
Week
Becomes
Least
Go
Five
Times
After
Blur
While
Movies
If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.
David Sedaris
School
Mind
Books
High
High School
About
Mental
Scenarios
Had
Head
Adventure
Over
Since
New
Like
Tape
Replay
Same
Just
Wander
Anywhere
Bike
Riding
I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?
David Sedaris
Love
Me
You
Book
People
Giving
Book Signings
Worn
Say
Bad
Would
People Say
Someone
Never
Part
Attention
Like
Hours
How
How Much
Go
Line
Off
Child
Getting
Oh
Just
Love You
Loves
Much
Standing
Why
Away
They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.
David Sedaris
People
Nothing
Too
Kind
Plumbing
Had
Generous
Like
French
French People
Were
Anything
Fields
Electricity
Imagined
The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
David Sedaris
Humor
Section
Collections
Cartoons
Put
Stuff
Cathy
Author
Wants
Place
Next
Your
Last
I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
David Sedaris
People
Dinner
Think
Say
Laughs
Tells
Someone
True
Get
Any
Just
Story
Who
I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
David Sedaris
Having
Listeners
Million
I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything.
David Sedaris
Will
Books
About
Like
Tape
Listen
Just
Anything
I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
David Sedaris
Book
Writing
First
Seventeen
Later
Seventeen Years
Out
Came
Years
Twenty
Started
There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.
David Sedaris
Me
About
Write
Lots
Happen
Things
Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.
David Sedaris
Myself
Win
Sometimes
Wish
Say
Could
Bothered
Although
Oh
Award
Tony
I don't have email.
David Sedaris
Email
I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
David Sedaris
Time
Me
Satire
Writing
Melodrama
OK
Feel
Glee
Like
Know
Cry
Because
Makes
Itself
Aware
Watch
I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.
David Sedaris
Knew
Always
Wanted
Illustrated
Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
David Sedaris
Sometimes
Mouth
Rules
Feel
New
Yorker
Just
New Yorker
Grammar
Right
I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
David Sedaris
Life
My Life
Think
Else
More
Than
Anybody
Interesting
Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.
David Sedaris
Nervous
Fairly
Because
Always
Been
Person
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