9553 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

I like when something makes you think after you stop watching. Andrew Dice Clay

You Think Something Like Makes Stop After Watching

I do whatever I do. I go to the club. I work on material. While other people are sleeping, I'm awake. I always liked that. I like being able to drive when there's no traffic. It's almost like you own the street at night. Andrew Dice Clay

I want to be able to make people laugh as hard as they possibly can, and I really think they need that. Andrew Dice Clay

People Think Laugh Possibly Able Make Want Really Hard Need

What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality. Andy Kaufman

Reality People Other Deal How Real Test Act

I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut - or get angry from the gut. Andy Kaufman

Sad Angry People Laugh Gut Reactions Real Get Just Want

I'm from Hollywood. That's where we make movies and TV shows... I'm not from down here in men-fus ten-uh-see, okay? Andy Kaufman

Down Okay TV TV Shows Make Where Movies Hollywood Shows Here

It's not that I was crazy. It's just that I was sad at times because the world was sad at times. When I would perform, it wasn't sad anymore. Andy Kaufman

Sad Crazy World Would Perform Because Times Just Anymore

If I play my cards right, I could bring network wrestling back to TV. Unfortunately, to most people, wrestling is a laughingstock. But fortunately, I'm reaching people who otherwise wouldn't watch it. Andy Kaufman

People Otherwise Back TV Network Wrestling Could Most Reaching Unfortunately Fortunately Who Play Right Watch Bring Cards

While all the other kids were out playing ball and stuff, I used to stay in my room and imagine that there was a camera in the wall. And I used to really believe that I was putting on a television show and that it was going out to somewhere in the world. Andy Kaufman

World Somewhere Believe Other Other Kids Television Kids Television Show Out Stay Putting Stuff Ball Were Camera Wall Going While Room Really Used Show Playing Imagine

I'm having everything. I'm a vegetarian, too. But in my mother's house, I eat whatever I'm served. Andy Kaufman

Mother Whatever Too Everything Eat Having Vegetarian House Served

My parents would say, 'Why don't you go out and play?' and I would say, 'I can't! I'm putting on my shows!' Andy Kaufman

You Parents Say Out Would Putting Go Shows Why Play

The more they hate you, the better you're doing. Andy Kaufman

You Hate Better More Doing

I would like to do the Elvis Presley. Andy Kaufman

Elvis Elvis Presley Would Like

You can't go wrong with pizza, unless it's terrible pizza. Andy Kindler

You Unless Wrong Terrible Go Pizza

I'm not really in Louis CK's circle. It'd probably be harder if we were really close and I went off on him. Andy Kindler

Circle Him Were Off Close Louis Really Harder

I've never been paid as a prognosticator. I don't get a lot of work as a mentalist. Andy Kindler

Work Never Been Lot Get Paid

Jimmy Fallon is handsome. This is an indisputable fact. Andy Kindler

Jimmy Fact Handsome

I can open up any can of worms and get people upset. Andy Kindler

People Worms Open Up Get Any Upset

My favorite comedians are basically themselves onstage. Andy Kindler

Favorite Onstage Comedians Themselves Basically

Quotes by Comedians