Quotes by Comedians

And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them. Alan King
You Humor Somebody Weapon Attack Make Always Been Get Want Them Fun Even
There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.' Alan King
You Soul Humor First Saw Charm Perform Him Doing Pryor Rhythm Richard Richard Pryor Act Jewish
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage. Alan King
Book Words Own Stage Else Exactly Ability Someone Absorb Make Doing Story Your
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about. Alan King
Time Oppression Father Thought First About He Wrote Talked Read Because First Time Dickens Things Jewish
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living. Alan King
Son Living Says Tell About Never Anyone Stories
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business. Alan King
You Business Comedy Amazing First Once Hooked Laugh Calling Learn Course How Survive Get To Survive Turn Then Hard Away
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day. Alan King
Day Morning Dinner Through Up Get Going Decide
One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.' Alan King
Life Dinner One Thing Restaurant Never Said Japanese Whole Thing
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank. Alan King
Mother Made Fluffy Everything Had Hours Know She Balls Cook
I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor. Alan King
Suits Eat Armor Place
My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.' Alan King
Me Father Out All-Out He Said Leave Helped Here
As you get older, as you become more sensitive, feel more, it becomes harder to make jokes. You censor yourself. Alan King
You Jokes Yourself Become Older More Feel Make Becomes Get Censor Sensitive Harder
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating. Alan King
Sports Spend Way Favorite Out TV Eating Bed Saturday Watching
I come from a very la-ti-da East Coast intellectual family - or so they think. Alexandra Wentworth
Family Think East East Coast Come Intellectual Very Coast
I love Oprah to death. Alexandra Wentworth
Love Death Oprah
I would never send my kids to a single-sex school. Alexandra Wentworth
School Kids Would Never Send
Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like 'Brothers in Arms' and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git. Alexei Sayle
Great You Stupid Band Immediately Tells Brothers Dire Someone Git Like Know Annoying Arms
People used to think I was just a shouty comic but I was doing stuff about Sartre. Alexei Sayle
People Think About Stuff Comic Doing Just Used Sartre
The journalists have obviously failed to capture my innate magnetism, humour and charisma, and they all need to be fired from their newspapers right away. Alexei Sayle
Humour Charisma Magnetism Fired Failed Journalists Obviously Newspapers Capture Away Right Innate Right Away Need
Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way. Alexei Sayle
Woman Women Way Most Friends Quite Being Fancied
I'm distinct, really. Alexei Sayle
Distinct Really
I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that. Alexei Sayle
World Random Sense Think Humour Kind Cruel Ideas Springs Quite Really Therefore
As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death. Alexei Sayle
Death You Try Something Comic Go Grind Works
If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't. Alexei Sayle
Good Good Ones Easy Write Were Lot Sitcoms
I suppose the common idea of me is that I'm going to be someone who's hyper and cracking jokes all the time, but people who meet me are soon disabused of that notion. Alexei Sayle
Time Me Jokes People Meet Someone Hyper Idea Soon Suppose Cracking Going Common Notion Who
If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres. Alexei Sayle
Family Fruit Charity City Open Lottery Won Shops Stores Little Helped Start Hardware
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