Quotes by Comedians

When I was a kid, I thought I was going to be an architect, because when I was 12 years old I had a guidance counselor that convinced me that that was the best career choice for me. Al Yankovic

Best Me Guidance Old Thought Kid Architect Counselor Had Because Years Going Choice Convinced Career Career Choice

If I could find the right kind of property, get tied in with the right movie, I'd love to be involved, but I just find it hard to be motivated to do another screenplay right now. Al Yankovic

Love Property Kind Find Could Involved Tied Another Motivated Get Just Movie Screenplay If I Could Hard Now Right Right Kind

A lot of rap songs don't usually have a lot of melody per se. Al Yankovic

Melody Rap Per Songs Lot

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute. Al Yankovic

Whenever I do a parody it's not meant to make you hate anybody's music really. Al Yankovic

Music You Hate Parody Make Anybody Whenever Really Meant

One of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my career is keeping my material topical even though I only release albums every three or four years. Al Yankovic

Three Every Topical Release Though Only Had Deal Material Years Even Hardest Keeping Things Four Albums Career

I'm watching the charts every week and hoping something will pop into my head. Al Yankovic

Will Every Hoping Something Charts Week Head Pop Watching

By the time I'm in the studio recording my parody, 10,000 parodies of that song are on YouTube. Al Yankovic

Time Song Recording YouTube Parody Studio By The Time

I write and write and write, and then I edit it down to the parts that I think are amusing, or that help the storyline, or I'll write a notebook full of ideas of anecdotes or story points, and then I'll try and arrange them in a way that they would tell a semi-cohesive story. Al Yankovic

Probably 90 percent of my albums have polka medleys. Al Yankovic

Percent Albums

I mean, I don't write for kids. Al Yankovic

Kids Write Mean

I'm obviously not a rapper, and I don't have any claims to be one, really. Al Yankovic

Rapper Claims Obviously Any Really

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins. Alan King

Mother Car Accident Sister Cousins Male Six Eight Car Accident Raised

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails. Alan King

College Member Brother Physicians Nails Him Cut Youngest

My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.' Alan King

Me Failure Smart Old Father Hero Tough Big Considered Dreamer Guy Tough Guy He Poland Like Himself Always Line His Handbags End Up Lady Who

Modesty is not one of my virtues. Alan King

Virtues Modesty

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it. Alan King

Comedy Reflection Mirror Nothing Society Distorted Ability House Make Styles Reflections Behaves Then Create Standards Fun Watch Set

You only live once, except for Shirley MacLaine. Alan King

You Live Once Only Except Shirley

As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father. Alan King

Better Father Parent

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom. Alan King

Funny Face Difficult Enough Worrying About Without Offend Going Whom

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something. Alan King

Great You Humor Think About Someone Something Expense Stop Nearly

Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party. Alan King

You Made Party Took Tremendous Says Vaudeville He Alongside Look Up Dictionary Just Which Right Milton