9552 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

The lunacy continues and has every chance of becoming a way of life unless we stop it soon. Men are getting so used to wars that the psychiatric wing of the RAMC are planning how to break the news to the men when the war is over. Spike Milligan

We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating. Spike Milligan

I remember lying out in my bed and looking at the vast, quiet sky. Right up above my head, there were three stars in a row, and I remember thinking, 'Well, I'll have those three stars all my life, and wherever I am, they will be. They are my stars, and they belong to me.' Spike Milligan

Life Me Remember Sky Will Three My Life Looking Stars Thinking Lying Those All My Life Out Above Vast Head Well Bed Am Were Up Quiet Wherever Right Row Belong

My goal before I die is to get all of my thoughts out. Spoken Reasons

Thoughts Before Out Goal Get Die

The thing about living with any disability is that you adapt; you do what works for you. Stella Young

You Living About Disability Any Works Thing Adapt

We think we know what it's all about; we think that disability is a really simple thing, and we don't expect to see disabled people in our daily lives. Stella Young

Daily People Simple Think Our See About Simple Thing Disability Disabled Know Expect Really Lives Daily Lives Thing

Many of us, particularly those of us with disabilities who have faced persistent discrimination throughout our lives, not least when trying to find employment in the first place, take enormous pride in our hard-fought jobs and careers. Stella Young

Pride First Enormous Our Our Lives Those Jobs Find Faced Disabilities Throughout Take Particularly Employment First Place Least Discrimination Persistent Trying Place Us Who Many Lives Careers

I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express. Stephen Colbert

Visa Status Status Quo Accept American American Express Quo Express

I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that. I found it so inspirational. Why not make myself cooler than I am? Stephen Colbert

Inspirational Time Myself Stuff Like Make Make Up Am Up Than Used Cool Professional Cooler Found Why Why Not Bio

There's a degree of narcissism involved in anything in show business. I mean, you can't do it without a healthy ego. Why would you want anybody to listen to you? Stephen Colbert

You Business Ego Degree Narcissism Healthy Would Involved Without Listen Anybody Want Anything Mean Show Show Business Why

In the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes. Special bonus: You can edit your own entry to make yourself seem even smarter. Stephen Colbert

I am a lover of truth, a worshipper of freedom, a celebrant at the altar of language and purity and tolerance. Stephen Fry

Truth Freedom Language Lover Tolerance Worshipper Purity Altar Am

When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists. Stephen Fry

You Seen Backward Know Doing Exists Infant Clothing Why

I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself. Stephen Fry

Art Think Television Destroys About Oneself Talking Watch

I'm a bit of a coward, and lazy, oddly enough. Stephen Fry

Coward Enough Bit Lazy Oddly

I don't watch TV. I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself. Stephen Fry

Art Think Destroys TV About Oneself Talking Watch

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. Steve Martin

Art People Comedy Laugh Without Making Them Puke

I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easier to be alone. To have your relationships be casual and also to pose as a solitary person, because it was more romantic. You know, I was raised on the idea of the ramblin' man and the loner. Steve Martin

Alone You Man Illusion Think Relationships Easier Circumstances Solitary Loner Given More Casual Had Idea Know Also Because Person Childhood Romantic Meant Your Raised Pose

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything! Steve Martin

Funny Word Everything Those French Boy Different

I like the idea that one thing leads to another. You can tweet something completely innocuous, and then find yourself going off on a tangent that's inspired by a response. Steve Martin

You Yourself Response One Thing Find Something Inspired Idea Leads Like Another Off Going Then Tweet Thing

The thing about the banjo is, when you first hear it, it strikes many people as 'What's that?' There's something very compelling about it to certain people; that's the way I was; that's the way a lot of banjo players and people who love the banjo are. Steve Martin

Love You People First Strikes Way About Something Hear Lot Very Banjo Certain Who Many Compelling Thing Players

Is it weird in here, or is it just me? Steven Wright

Me Weird Just Here

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk. Steven Wright

You Walks He Announcer Talk Him George Hear Radio Bridge

It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear. Steven Wright

Me Writing Reading Gear Somehow Write Head Turns Your Helps

Quotes by Comedians