Quotes by Comedians

I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. Louis C. K.
You Like Know Bum Gets Just Where Really Your Show Actor
The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to. Louis C. K.
You People Problem See More More People Get Famous Choose Who
I don't have a brother in real life. Louis C. K.
Life Real Life Brother Real
I don't know how to tell a joke. I never tell jokes. I can tell stories that happened to me... anecdotes. But never a joke. Lucille Ball
Me Jokes Joke Tell Anecdotes Never Know How Stories Happened
I dyed my hair this crazy red to bid for attention. It has become a trademark, and I've got to keep it this way. Lucille Ball
Crazy Hair Become Way Attention Red Bid Got Trademark Dyed Keep
I've spent a lot of very happy times in Edinburgh as a result of playing virtually every festival since 1996. It's also a beautiful city in its own right, is walkable, within sight of the sea and mountains - and was too far north for the Luftwaffe to have done any damage, hence the spectacularly beautiful architecture. Marcus Brigstocke
Beautiful Happy Architecture Result Mountains Own Every Too Virtually Spent Sight City Beautiful City Since Also Edinburgh Within Lot Very Festival Times North Any Done Far Sea Hence Right Playing Damage
Britain is obsessed with political correctness. Marcus Brigstocke
Political Correctness Obsessed Political Correctness Britain
When you feel powerful, you are willing to stand up for your rights, you are willing to stand up for what you believe in, you're more willing to stand up and be counted. Margaret Cho
You Rights Believe Willing More Counted Feel Powerful Up Stand Your Stand Up
I wouldn't live with me, believe me. I'm moody. Mario Cantone
Me Moody Live Believe
If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path. Marty Allen
Man Money Path Girl Down Horse Take Like Him His Lot Anxious Bridal Works
Racism has always existed, and a big part of it is people just not knowing others. I think humans change other human's minds, and it's hard for someone in the middle of America to hate Syrian refugees if they've been able to befriend them. Maz Jobrani
Change Racism Hate People Big Not Knowing Think Other Others Minds Syrian Able Someone Part Knowing Always Been Existed Befriend America Big Part Human Refugees Just Middle Them Hard Humans
The fact is, the Middle East has been going crazy for 50, 60, 70 years. So it's not like, 'Oh, I need an ISIS joke.' Maz Jobrani
Crazy Joke East Has-Been Fact Like Been Years Going Going Crazy Oh Middle Middle East Need
Humor is always important. There are people who help us deal with difficulty or hardship; from the concentration camps to the court jester, there was a need for humor. As long as these kinds of things exist, with repressive regimes, you need it to deal with the weight of daily life. Maz Jobrani
Life Daily You People Humor Long Important Difficulty Kinds Weight Concentration Court Deal Always Exist Camps Repressive Regimes Us Help Who Daily Life Things Hardship Need
Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and normal than a short genius. Mel Brooks
Genius Say Would Rather True True Genius Tall Normal Than Oh Short Near
He who hesitates is poor. Mel Brooks
Hesitates He Poor Who
If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none. Mel Brooks
Death Beat Practically None Got Einstein Chance
Cartoon violence is something very vivid and dark but made palatable for children in a fun way. That's the kind of comedy I do - I try to take subjects that might seem deep and make them as silly as possible. Michael Che
Dark Comedy Try Made Way Possible Kind Cartoon Vivid Silly Seem Something Take Make Subjects Very Children Them Might Deep Fun Violence
Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself. Don't ignore that critic but don't give it more attention than it deserves. Michael Ian Black
Yourself Be Yourself Critic Give More Attention Always Than Going Your Ignore Deserves
I do have high standards. I look at everything I have done and think, 'Why wasn't that better?' Part of my motivation is from crippling self-doubt - I have got to prove myself wrong. Michael Palin
Myself Better Think Everything Crippling High High Standards Part Wrong Look Self-Doubt Got Prove Motivation Done Standards Why
I think some of the best modern writing comes now from travellers. Michael Palin
Best Writing Think Some Modern Now Travellers
I mean, do you really think Paul Krugman is checking his Twitter account every day to read what I write? Of course not. Every other day maybe, but not every day. Michael Showalter
Day You Every Day Every Think Twitter Other Write Checking Read Course His Account Maybe Mean Paul Really Every Other Day
It sounds so nerdy and pathetic, but what I always do on Sunday afternoon is bring my inbox down to zero, which is so sad. But e-mail has become like homework for adults. I'll have 141 messages from people who will be offended if I don't write back. Mike Birbiglia
Sad People Offended Will Sunday Become Down Homework Back Sunday Afternoon Nerdy Write Adult Like Messages Always Sounds Pathetic Afternoon Which Who Zero Bring
I think serious situations actually make for the best kind of belly laughs. But they're also the hardest to convert into comedy at the outset. Mike Birbiglia
Best Comedy Think Kind Laughs Outset Also Make Situations Convert Serious Hardest Actually Belly
What I always studied in screenwriting from my mentor John Glavin was that the most interesting characters are characters with shades of gray. Mike Birbiglia
Characters John Shades Mentor Studied Most Always Screenwriting Interesting Interesting Characters Gray
We all take losses and it's about getting up and coming back. Mike Epps
Back About Take Coming Losses Up Getting
I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly. Mike Myers
Jokes Smart Like Dumb Done
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