9554 quotes by comedians for you to enjoy

I've been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I'm concerned, I am a writer - whether my writing's spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine. Dylan Moran

When I was a child, I wanted to watch things that made me laugh. It's attacking boredom, as simple as that. I was 19 when I first went to a comedy club - I wanted to do it, so I gave it a try and that was it. I found my office. Dylan Moran

Me Simple Comedy Try Made First Club Gave Laugh Boredom Attacking Comedy Club Child Office Wanted Found Things Watch

I do think it's perfectly natural and human to want to invest belief in something. It's just a facet of who we are. What do I believe in? I believe in the obvious things. The people I'm close to and my work - it's not complicated. Dylan Moran

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I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive. Dylan Moran

Positive Funny Me Made Think Relentlessly Laugh Also Anybody

You can laugh at somebody because they are innocent, and because they are naive or they are about to walk into a wall, but if somebody's giving you stuff, if somebody's talking, giving you their take on things, what makes you laugh, generally speaking, is going to be somebody who is telling it in an angry way. Dylan Moran

Home gigs can be hard because it's an odd collision. More than anything, I feel self-conscious when my family are in the audience. I'm doing this job which is not quite acting - part of it is me, part performance. You're presenting a cartoon of yourself to people who know you as a line-drawing. Dylan Moran

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Paper acts as an eraser on the mind, as soon as you look at what you've written. Dylan Moran

You Mind Paper Written Soon Look Eraser Acts

I've always been a big consumer of American journalism over the years and had an interest in the history of it and of the press in America; how it has changed. Dylan Moran

History Big Changed Press Consumer Had Journalism Over Always How Been Years America American The History Of Interest

I'm delighted to make as many people feel ashamed as possible. There's probably a site like that for everybody. I've heard Newt Gingrich has his own as well. Dylan Moran

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There's always a host of voices you're inspired by. I love Don DeLillo, and I love Isaac Bashevis Singer, and I love Beckett, and I love Pinter. He's one of the funniest voices in English literature since Dickens. Dylan Moran

Love You Voices Inspired Host He Since Singer Isaac Beckett Always Dickens Literature English English Literature Funniest

I'm fascinated by how you'll change your position so many times over a lifetime, but really what you're doing is occupying a series of positions on a landscape. Dylan Moran

You Change Positions Lifetime Over Occupying How Doing Times Really Landscape Your Fascinated Many Series Position

I write all the time, but you just want to be careful what you put out. That's all. You want to have the confidence that you've done what you need to do to it, because otherwise it's an exercise in vanity. Dylan Moran

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I actually very rarely see comedy myself, and although I admire the work of some comics, it does come from all over, so I'll get a charge out of some fiction writers and poets. Dylan Moran

I'm very drawn to Eastern Europe, so I like a Hungarian writer who wrote in French called Emil Cioran; he was always good for giving me such a stir. Dylan Moran

Good Me Giving Hungarian Drawn Eastern Eastern Europe Writer He Like French Wrote Always Stir Very Who Europe

The terror of failure can make you feel like a failure. So a bunch of people think you're not very good at your thing. How much do you invest in what they say? How much do you care? Failure is not putting yourself on the line. Dylan Moran

I don't know that you're able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can't say that I ever feel that I'm sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom. Dylan Moran

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I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it. Dylan Moran

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The measure of a conversation is how much mutual recognition there is in it; how much shared there is in it. If you're talking about what's in your own head, or without thought to what people looking and listening will feel, you might as well be in a room talking to yourself. Dylan Moran

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I started stand-up in 2007. I'd done a couple of gigs before that, but not much, and I was in a sketch group at Uni from 2005 as well. Ed Gamble

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My friend and I sang an a cappella rendition of Extreme's 'More Than Words' at one of our football pep rallies in a desperate attempt to look cool. For a while, I wore pink Converse All Stars because I thought it made me seem daring and irreverent. Ed Helms

Me Words Desperate Thought Made Stars Our Extreme Daring Pep My Friend Seem More Attempt Football Look Rendition Because Pink Friend Than Irreverent While Converse Wore Sang Cappella Cool Rallies

April is tax month. If you are having trouble filing your taxes, then you should hire an accountant. They'll give you the same advice that they've given hundreds of corporations - taxes are for douche bags. Ed Helms

First there was the New Hampshire primary, and we had nearly a year leading up to it. And now, look! Three primaries in one weekend! How many of these things are they going to have? Ed Helms

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When you're in New York City or Los Angeles, even if you're not dealing with show business, there's still this sense that it's the center of the universe. And I think that's a really dangerous, limiting mindset. Ed Helms

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When you're playing a fictional character reacting to the real world, it's incredibly difficult and confusing and kind of messes with your values a bit. Ed Helms

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I try to explain to people that you get the roles that are right when they're right. If you have a nerd character but you're kind of a cool guy, you're probably not going to get the nerd part. The nerd is going to get the nerd part. You know, someone like me. Ed Helms

Character Me You People Try Kind Nerd Someone Guy Part Like Know Get Roles Going Explain Cool Cool Guy Right

I'm kind of embarrassed by how quickly I adjusted to L.A. I really love it. It's so pleasant. Ed Helms

Love Pleasant Embarrassed Adjusted Kind How Quickly Really

Quotes by Comedians