Quotes by Comedians

Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine. Don Rickles

Me Will King Fine Call Sir Jew

Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich. Don Rickles

Service Great You Club Pay Want Room Room Service Sandwich

An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth. Don Rickles

Best Day Me King Unkind Gave Guy Johnny Johnny Carson He Insult Title Mean Warmth Use Milton

The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business. Don Rickles

Work Today You Business Thought Girl Wild Say Those Restaurants Some Almost Days Like Know Than Get Just Clothing Little Wore Forth Worked Less Bells

There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage. Don Rickles

Think Onstage Between Insult Friendly Offensive Jab Difference Actual

Las Vegas is the boiling pot of entertainment. Don Rickles

Entertainment Pot Vegas Boiling Las Vegas

I never went out looking for glory. Don Rickles

Looking Out Never Glory

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. Don Rickles

Life Business My Life Sold Kid Laughed Nobody Insurance Show Show Business

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones. Don Rickles

Phones Cares Only Dummy Who Who Cares

Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. Don Rickles

Myself Well Call Always Wanted Actor

You know what's funny to me? Attitude. Don Rickles

Funny Attitude Me You Know

I was a mother's boy. Don Rickles

Mother Boy

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. Don Rickles

Me Hurt Word Everybody Our Insecurities Exaggerate Make Insult Always Did Sitting Anybody Use Fun Here

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. Don Rickles

Joke Situation Tell Becomes Cannot

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it. Don Rickles

Problem Light TV Know How Fix Goes Midnight

I still have drive, but everything is relative. Don Rickles

Drive Relative Everything Still

You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. Don Rickles

You Lose Energy Excitement Audience Up Gets Your

I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid. Don Rickles

Kid Out Insecurities Guy Always Making Fun Even

My wife, Barbara, is great. She arranges when I do work that I have a day off between performances. Don Rickles

Work Day Great Wife Performance Between She Off Barbara

Sinatra was somebody special. Don Rickles

Somebody Sinatra Special

I've never had a written script. Don Rickles

Never Had Written Script