Quotes by Comedians

America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school. Dennis Miller

Best World School Country Summer Kind Like America May Being

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living. Dennis Miller

Living Everybody Out Some Point Make Sell

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. Dennis Miller

Education Secretary System Directed More Badly Were American Wood Poorly

It's cool to be healthy. Dick Gregory

Healthy Cool

Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk. Dick Gregory

Every Eat Drink Hotel Check Talk Calendar Holiday Fast

To me, seeing a really great comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet. Dick Gregory

Great Me Poet Bit Musician Seeing Like Comedian Really Watching

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport. Dick Gregory

Politics Voting Country Duty Most Looked Sport Chicago Places Right

Everything we do we should look at in terms of millions of people who can't afford it. Dick Gregory

People Everything Look Terms Afford Should Who Millions Millions Of People

When I first broke through, there was only NBC, CBS and ABC, and they had news in the morning and in the evening - there wasn't no 24-hour news. Dick Gregory

News Morning First Broke ABC Only Through Had Evening NBC

I never thought I'd see the day that I would see white folks as frightened, or more so, than black folks was during the civil rights movement when we was in Mississippi. Dick Gregory

Day Rights Thought Black White Rights Movement Would Folks Civil See Civil Rights Civil Rights Movement More Never Mississippi Than Frightened Movement

Now here's what I'm saying: I've always believed that every other month we hear about compromisation of bank records, I think that's the CIA and the FBI. Now let me tell you why I'm saying this. I don't believe no insignificant pip-squeak is going to be able to pull this off month after month and we can't find out what's going on. Dick Gregory

Saying Me You CIA Believe Every Think Other Month Out Tell Find Able Insignificant About Records Always Hear Off Going Bank After Now Believed Why Here Pull

I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian. Dominic Holland

Think Brutal Environment Comedian Most Always

When I was a little boy, I was fascinated by the way my dad used to laugh at the telly, and from a very early age, I had an idea of what was funny and why people laughed. Dominic Holland

Funny Age People Way Laugh Laughed Telly Had Idea Boy Very Very Early Age Little Used Fascinated Dad Why Early Early Age

The garden is something I always try to get into, but it always beats me. Dominic Holland

Me Garden Try Something Beats Always Get

I've written 'Eclipsed' as a funny story. It is completely bonkers. Dominic Holland

Funny Funny Story Eclipsed Written Story

I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy. Dominic Holland

Comedy Find Voodoo Hour Coming Rooms

I had a crisis of confidence and ran away from being a standup for a while. Dominic Holland

Confidence Ran Crisis Had Being While Standup Away

I am a professional comedian, a published novelist, and a general wit for hire. Dominic Holland

General Wit Comedian Am Hire Professional Novelist Published

I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name. Dominic Holland

First Admit Never Name Household Household Name Am Been