Quotes by Comedians

I wanted something where I could have the clearest and most unfiltered artistic and creative voice. David Alan Grier

Creative Something Voice Could Clearest Most Artistic Where Wanted

I started acting at the University of Michigan in my sophomore year. David Alan Grier

Year Sophomore Sophomore Year Michigan Acting Started University

I couldn't wait to be, you know, a Black Panther. Of course they wouldn't let me join. David Alan Grier

Me You Wait Black Panther Join Know Course

I, myself, identify myself as a heathen. David Alan Grier

Myself Identify Heathen

I had done the sitcom thing to lesser and lesser degrees of success. David Alan Grier

Success Degrees Had Sitcom Done Lesser Thing

I decided sitcoms weren't for me. David Alan Grier

Me Were Sitcoms Decided

The president is always made fun of. David Alan Grier

Made President Always Fun

I've tried actively to define myself and redefine myself, and not be pigeonholed. David Alan Grier

Myself Define Tried Redefine Pigeonholed Actively

My father contracted polio on a troop train in Korea. David Alan Grier

Father Troop Polio Korea Contracted Train

My father was a doctor. David Alan Grier

Doctor Father

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. David Brenner

Funny Girl Looking Maine Knows Go Bar Capital Who

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. David Brenner

Funny Eat Vegetarian Person Children Anything Who

We're careful not to saturate people. David Brenner

People Saturate Careful

Entrepreneurs with disabilities are overwhelmingly successful. David Brenner

Disabilities Entrepreneurs Successful

Digital brand integration is part of the evolution of product placement. It's simply another tool marketers use to get products integrated into shows. If you can put it in a package, we can put it in a show. David Brenner

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious. David Letterman

Collective Unconscious Make Trying Just

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag. David Letterman

Time You Example Demanding Before Thinking Consider France Evidence Folks Threat More Paris Through For Example Know Still Iraq Lot German Flag Wanted Wants Actually Right Last Last Time

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. David Letterman

Guidelines Signals New Traffic York Just New York Rough

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. David Letterman

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either. David Letterman

War Become Hell Thinking President President Bush Approval UN He Voters Well Does Said Wage American Either Bush Need

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral. David Letterman

Today Debate Big Own Alive He Saddam Dead His Just Then Videotape Confusing Speaking Now Right Funeral

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. David Letterman

President President Bush Has-Been Silent Pronounce He Schwarzenegger Course Been Bush

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? David Letterman

Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton. David Letterman