Quotes by Comedians

You can't get any braver than going on national television to be weighed. Caroline Rhea

You National Television Weighed Than Get National Television Any Going Braver

I grew up thinking that if I wanted to go be prime minister, I could. Caroline Rhea

Thinking Minister Could Prime Prime Minister Go Up Wanted Grew

I was just the youngest in the family, and most in desperate need of attention. Caroline Rhea

Family Desperate Attention Most Just Youngest Need

I'm so into momminess. Caroline Rhea

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks. Caroline Rhea

Home Me Way Someone Feel Like Vermont Go

I remember I was so crabby in my third trimester - I got gestational diabetes because I'd been acting like I was in a one-woman pie-eating contest. Caroline Rhea

Remember Diabetes One-Woman Like Because Contest Got Been Acting Third

I always like to think I'm having a dinner party, and I'm the host, and the audience are my guests. Caroline Rhea

Dinner Party Think Guests Dinner Party Having Host Like Audience Always

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. Carrie Snow

Mechanic Car Never Like Male Owned Auto Who

It is only by the rational use of technology; to control and guide what technology is doing; that we can keep any hopes of a social life more desirable than our own: or in fact of a social life which is not appalling to imagine. Carrie Snow

Science is the refusal to believe on the basis of hope. Carrie Snow

Hope Science Believe Refusal Basis

Advertising degrades the people it appeals to; it deprives them of their will to choose. Carrie Snow

People Will Advertising Them Choose Appeals

In movies, you don't get reactions: Live, when you do a joke, you know in a second whether it's good or bad. But in a movie, since no one is allowed to laugh or do anything, when you're done with a scene, you're left asking, 'Was that funny?' Carrot Top

I do go through a mini depression because one minute there are people yelling and screaming for me on stage and the next I'm at home and it's dead quiet. So it takes a while to come down. Carrot Top

Carrot Top is a nickname that people call me and I thought that it was more marketable. Carrot Top

Me People Thought Top Carrot Carrot Top More Call Nickname

On the weekends, I would go down and play these clubs in Key West or West Palm Beach or surrounding areas of Florida and then I'd go back to school for the week. Carrot Top

Key School Down Back Back To School Would Beach Area Week Weekends Go West Surrounding Clubs Then Play Florida Palm

My manager has a car payment, so I work every night. Carrot Top

Work Car Every Manager Payment Every Night Night

I've always wanted to do a segment on a talk show. Jay Leno has been such a good friend, and if he would allow me, I'd have to get it all together, but I'd like to go on 'The Tonight Show' and do a set with no props. Or come out with a trunk and never touch it. Or come out with a clear trunk with nothing in it. Carrot Top

Good Me Together Nothing Out Has-Been Would Touch Segment Allow Never He Clear Props Come Like Talk Talk Show Always Go Been Trunk Friend Get Wanted Leno Jay Jay Leno Show Good Friend Tonight Set Tonight Show

I had a Neighborhood Crime Watch sign in my dorm wall in college. People would come in and laugh at it. 'Where did you get it?' 'I took it. How good is their Neighborhood Crime Watch if they can't even watch their sign?' Carrot Top

I think it's important for me, for my crew and for the audience to bring something new to each show. I have friends who have done the same act, word for word for word, for 20 years. I have a problem with that. I think the audience should see something new in each show. Carrot Top

Before I got addicted to comedy, I was seriously thinking about playing tennis full time. I joined the tennis team and played with a lot of professionals. Carrot Top

Time Comedy Seriously Before Thinking Addicted About Joined Tennis Got Lot Full Team Full-Time Professionals Played Playing